Megan-- I never realized how much a person could hurt. When I had heard the word Divorce before, this level of pain was unfathomable; I just had no concept. And I cried with the Sprint guy, too! I got a call from them saying that the account had been modified as requested and I was on my own plan, now. x had done it without telling me.
At this point, I am really amazed that I lived through it. You don't think you will when you are going through the worst of it. I never thought that I would start to feel better. But, little by little, you do.
I was thinking about his perceptions, too....I have tried to be careful not to discount or negate how he felt about things. I understand that he felt miserable, unappreciated, disrespected, etc. I had tried to get him to hear how I was feeling, though. That I felt appreciation and respect for him, and love. We obviously were feeling two very different things. But you're right; he doesn't care how I was feeling, just what HE THOUGHT I was feeling. So, very much past time to let that go, too. He will only understand that which he wants to understand. **** So, onto yesterday. I had my IC appt. She agreed to leave him to his own devices regarding the pool. And, isn't it a surprise that he is starting to feel the consequences of his choices, and they are still all my fault? She wants me to get my defenses up when he starts in like that on the phone - self-protective. I have to get my guard up faster. I had let him wear me down in that other convo, to the point where I got to hear too much of what a terrible person I was (again).
I got to practice this last night. I had emailed him to let him know he could come over Sunday to get the rest of his things (he has some tools, a few baseball memorabilia, etc.) During the prior convo, he had bullied me into agreeing on today. But I realized that I wasn't ready for it to happen today - it is my day with the kids, I am still pulling tools out from around the house, and I wanted to have a good idea of what was going to be taken out.
I emailed and just said Thurs won't work for me, afterall, and that Sunday evening when he drops off the kids would be fine.
He freaked out. Called me, screaming. I said I won't listen to him yell at me and hung up. He called again. Why are you doing this? he asked. I said that I didn't have to explain myself. He asked again. I repeated my answer. He asked again. I said, look, not everything involved or revolves around you-this has nothing to do with you. Sunday will be fine. He started yelling again so I hung up. He called again and I told him that the kids were within earshot of this whole thing, and I won't be spoken to this way. He said he would show up with a sheriff to get his things; I said that would be fine. The phone went to static (I think he threw it).
He called another 3 times; I just went about doing what I have to do to get the kids ready for bed. At one point, my D9 answered the phone; he spoke nicely to her then hung up. I brought garbage out, and came in to find my S13 on the phone. He hung up and said that dad had just apologized, but he really wasn't clear what the apology was for.
He called once more and I told the kids to just let it go to the machine. No message. And not an ounce of emotionality from me. Just finished spending time with the kids and tucking them into bed.
I got this email before I went to bed:
Quote:
i will be there on sunday without fail. if there is any problem i have already discussed it with the bethel pd and they will gladdy escort me to retrieve my belongings. i would hope that you are done playing games and we can get past this bullsh!t. i have been trying to get these few things for almost 4 months. t is enough already. i will be there at 7:30 as not to interupt my time with the kids.
It has only been 4 months in his head. Closer to one. Up until then, he had no place to store it all. And I didn't take well to being TOLD what day he was coming to get it, so I had to make a schedule.
Whatever. Why is it that when one party starts to act more rationally, the other appears to be apesh!t? And yeah, I realize I was the one who was apesh!t for quite a long time....
