wow a lockout.

[Imageer]

I know I'm going to get slammed for saying this but in your case, I would be tempted to have an R talk with her and suggest going to a marriage councellor to work out your issues. She may be searching for something but she doesn't seem to want to lose you.

[Gman3388]

I don't want to risk it yet Ima, Not yet. While she may be waffling. Experience has taught me to just keep quiet and let my actions speak for me. This time is delicate and I don't want to break it.
Besides coming up in Oct there is a retrovale seminar coming to my area. I want to slip that in when the time is right.

[Gman3388]

Well it was the first day of school for the kids this morning.
They are all very excited to go believe it or not.
W worked late last night. Seems she had extra work to do with the new menus. I validated and just listened.
She again keeps her phone right by her on the couch. Interesting.
The boys are older and didn't want us to take them up to the bus stop but our D did so we went up. We made small talk with the other parents and before long the bus came. We waited until the bus pulled away and then walked back down to the house.
W had already put her purse in the car and said she was going to the bar where she works for coffee.( its also a family style restaurant too) Years past I aways joined her for coffee on the first day of school but I wasn't invited this time.
I walked past her car and didn't stop as she said she was going.
I kept it neutral as always and said have a good day.
She left and I went in to get my road coffee and went to work.

[Gman3388]

Journaling.... The work day progressed as always...slowly.
W did call me up to 6 times to ask various questions and to let me know what her and her mom were doing. I enjoyed the updates. She bought a few new things for the house and bought dinner. I ran S11 to scouts and had a meeting with the new cub scout leader about the upcoming year as I am a den leader for the local pack.
Later that night after we got the kids to bed, we sat on the couch, she reading her book, me watching TV. Her phone was off and in the other room. We sat close to each other eventually laying on each other.
Midway through the night W commented that one of our dogs was smelling pretty foul so she said to me that she would give him a bath if I helped. Well if anyone out there owns an American eskie you would know that thanks to the long hair, the dog isn't the only one who gets a bath!!
We laughed and joked and wound up getting each other wet as we bathed both dogs... (our other one is a mutt) We ALL ran into our room where the dogs began to dry themselves...on our bed!!
She laid there laughing with me over top of her, in a non sexual way...I wanted to kiss her but I didn't. I didn't want to push it.
We returned to the couch (where she sleeps) and continued to lay with each other...her reading me watching TV but this time we were closer...One thing lead to another and the rest is history.... We ML!
Afterwards we went back to the living room where she went back to reading but I went off to bed. I hinted that she could join me but she stayed put on the couch.
Do what works......

[Gman3388]

Yesterday W went with GF to get her hair done. Now in the course of one of the many phone calls she gave me she said that her hair appt went well etc etc. She had said to the stylist that she didn't care if her hair fell out because of all the crap she did to it (coloring, gel etc) Its just hair. Then she said to me that she didn't have anyone to impress....
mmmk
Later when I got home I looked at her hair style which looked really really nice! To which I said hey looks nice.
A few times she caught me looking at it and finally said you don't like it do you? I said what? your hair? Yes honey I like it.
W said well you aren't saying anything.
(Now she is the type where if you don't say that you like something 10 or 15 million times that she automatically assumes you don't like it.)
I again said "yes I like it cause you don't look like (bad slutty friend) anymore."
W said I dont look like (bad slutty friend)
Now I expected her to be mad at me for that comment but it was true.They could have been twins.
I said just because I don't say anything half a dozen times don't automatically assume I don't like it. I saw her look at me out of the corner of my eye and expected a night of cold shoulder but to my surprise her mood improved.
I again told her yes I like your hair because it reminds me of your hairstyle when we first met. To which she half smiled and looked away.
We goofed around some order pizza for dinner and got the kids off to their church group activities.
Durning the time they were gone she read her book while I watched TV. We joked around a little here and there.
She had said she was going to the bar (where she works) to show her mom her hair style after the kids go to bed. I validated her and thought you just cant stay away from that damn place even on your days off.
After we got the kids in bed and settled in for the night she left and I hoped on my computer for a little gaming.
She calls and hour later and says that mom is shooting her nasty looks cause she is having a bad night and W wanted a drink.
So she was going to another bar with bad slutty friend. I again validated and hung up.
ok honey whatever....
Soon after that I went to bed.
Interesting note: If you read back through my thread you would know about a suspected OM.... Seems my W borrowed his sweatshirt from work and it is in the back seat of her car.
interesting...

[Gman3388]

Journaling...
When I got home yesterday, which was early,W was sitting at the table talking to the next door neighbor who is a sweet old lady who's been through some tough times herself.
I say I was early because I adjusted my schedule to fit in some gym time.
Yup I'm joining a gym and getting my flabby butt in shape.
I didn't tell W that yet, I want her to see the changes first.
Anyways when see remarked I was early I said I was trying something, she said what but I didn't say anything.

Later we were sitting on the couch and she was getting text after text after text. It was beginning to bother me because at one point she made an effort to cover the name but not what she was texting. Who ever it was she said she was going to the bar last night and would be there by 9....
I think it bothered me because A) I don't know who the text was from.... so the mind starts and the evil thoughts begin.
B) Watching her face and her slight smile when she reads them.
I tried to act as if but she saw it as having an attitude and even asked me to cheer up because I was getting quiet and giving one or two word answers. ( well I was kinda into the program I was watching)
Might I add that earlier in the day she said she might have to work for GF tonight because GF dad is sick and she wanted to give her time off to be with her dad..... I validated her.
Anyways, later when I went out to mow the lawn, W came tot he door freshly showered and in nicer clothes to tell me about her sister in such I acted as if and joked around a little.
I finished mowing and she came out t6o say goodbye. Validate, act as if....
Funny thing...she said she had her phone (ya it never leaves your side so what I thought) Its almost like she wanted me to call her only on that but when it was time for night nights I called the bar and not her phone...she answered. I asked if she was working tonight and she said no but she is cheering up GF.
Validate....
Later she texts me that she is going to MF house and hasn't been drinking so she's ok to drive...I texted back..ok
She texted back that she got the newspaper for the boys because they needed it for school. (gee random text???)
I watched some TV for a few hours and went to bed...Not going to wait up for her.
I do know she came home around 1 which is early for her....

Validate. Today is another day....

[Gman3388]

Ok I'm officially confused here...
In speaking with W today (she called twice so far) I learned that (or so she says) that she was back at the bar by 11:30 last night from going to her MF house, which is across town. I got the text saying she was going about 10pm... and home at 1am?
Ok why are you telling me this???? or so I thought.

She calls me today (second time) on my office phone and leaves a VM stating that she just called to say hi and no emergencies or nothing. Just wanted to talk and see how my day was going.

WHA?

Anybody else think that she's playing a game here or could this be guilt?
As always I was somewhat neutral and acting as if.
DB DB DB PMA PMA PMA
La la la dee dum
:P

[Gman3388]

The weekend went well. W took the kids and I out for a family dinner Saturday night to a very expensive restaurant. I was quite surprised because we used to go to the place on special occasions and such. It was her idea and I wasn't going to say no.
She didn't go out Saturday night and she came home right after work last night.
I felt kinda bad for her last night as it was a little cold in the living room. She had said it took her awhile to get warm on the couch. She had a bit of the sniffles this morning when we talked on the phone. I wanted to tell her that her spot in bed is always open but I'm not sure how it would be received.
Peace to all who read this.

[Gman3388]

I just found out that the W expects me to move out in 3 months. Seems she has been telling people that I will be moving out.
ORLY?????
That's news to me. Hell the papers are still sitting on her desk!
I also had suspicions confirmed that she is seeing someone.
Time to consult a lawyer methinks.

[Imageer]

I also had suspicions confirmed that she is seeing someone.

From your comments I was floored when I read this. I'm sorry for you man. Keep Being Strong and focused on your goal.

I just found out that the W expects me to move out in 3 months.

My W had a detailed plan that she and probably her bad friend had divised of excatly how the Sep/Div would go. She thought that we would sell our house and each buy other houses right near each other several towns away and we would be happy sharing the kids. Funny thing was that she never told me this plan, only a mtual friend and then she was p!ssed when I didn't do things the way she had divised. I decided to keep the house. They live in a utopian dreamland my friend.