So the divorce agreement states that JA has the boys from 4-7:30pm. Guess who barges into the house at 3:30pm? He rang the bell and came in saying "HELLO! It's me!."
I said to him "it's only 3:30, you are not supposed to be here until 4pm."
He shrugs his shoulders and then sees S4 upstairs. S7 was still at school. He runs upstairs to greet S4. I went upstairs and said "I would appreciate it if you stuck to the divorce agreement and did not come until 4pm. Also, I am paying the bills here now so you no longer have the right to come in and walk around like you still live here."
JA: S4 invited me in and upstairs.
Me: He is 4 years old. It's not up to him.
JA: What's wrong with me showing up an half hour early? Your trying to keep the boys away from me.
Me: Stop twisting it around. I need you to stick to the agreement or else you start pushing your limitatons and a half hour becomes an hour.
JA: So, the boys want to see me.
I gave up arguing this as I figured I will have my L deal with it.
He then went outside with S4. About 15 minutes later I had to pick S7 up at the bus stop. I asked S4 if he wanted to go with me.
JA: I was planning on picking him up.
Me: No, I was. We are still on MY time.
JA: Well I want to go too.
Me: Fine, if you must but you better not take S7 away from me without giving me a chance to talk to him to find out how his first day of school was.
JA: Why would I do that? You don't know me at all.
Me: I am basing it on the way you have acted and treated me over the last 2 years.
I then got in the car. JA stayed in the background and I got to greet S7 coming off the bus.
When JA returned I asked him if he brought the tuition money that my father had layed out for S4's school. JA is supposed to reimburse him.
He said "Oh, your father can wait. He's rich, he doesn't need the money."
ME: My father is FAR from rich, but that is not even the point. It's your responsibility, not my father's to pay for S4's daycare.
JA: So why don't you pay it back to him for me since I just gave you a ton of money.
Me: That was money owed to me. It's not my place to pay it. You were ordered by the judge to reimburse us.
If your H doesn't want to stay within the boundaries set by the judge, then the legal system can deal with him. I doubt very much that you trying to deal with him yourself is going to do any good, as it sounds like he feels he is 'above' the rules set forth.
Too bad it sounds like he's using the kids to push your buttons.
Stay calm, but never forget that you are playing by the rules, and he is not respecting the boundaries and will have to pay the consequences if it continues.
Document each and everything that he does outside the realm of what the court set forth. Date, time, witnesses, etc. Inform your L that you will be doing this and see what he/she suggests.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Keep stating your boundaries. ML'ers sometimes have to hear things several times. Your lawyer could also write a letter to him, but I would try to keep it as civil as possible.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
what a twit.....jeesh hes divorced and hes still not happy.....wait til that reality comes to really roost. watch it mrs h he will prob get worse before he gets better.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Mrs. H, I'm sorry he's being the @ss that he is. He sounds just like the one I had living here until he divorced me. I see he is still the keeper of the garage door opener as well....You can change the coding on them if you can't get the opener from him.
How did your little one's first day of school go? Did he enjoy it? It's very evident he's using the boys to push your buttons. Stay within your boundaries and inform you lawyer of what he's doing. Document each and every incident. If he thinks that this will continue down the road, he's in for a very rude awakening and soon.
I'm glad you changed the locks, but he's going to be extremely mad when he discovers that his keys don't work. Whatever you do, do not leave your keys out anywhere, for he will find a way to make a copy or take the extra set if you have them.
As for him reimbursing your father...what a putz! He should have been grateful for what you father has done...he really does sound like my x's twin brother.
I do hope school is going well for you. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good for you MrsH for changing the locks. I would just change the code as Snodderly said on the opener. As awful as he has been to you, I would make him wait in the car until time for visitation.
