is it really true?

[stella_k]

Dear ((((Kalni,Jen, FG, Brokenhearted (nice meeting you!), MMB, SMW, Suzanne, Lisa and Yoyo))), hey and thanks, you guys are my strength! What would I do without your support?

I don't have much time to post with H been here and all the packing, so here is the quick update.

I'm still good!
I'm watching H and I don't know whether he's going to be his old self ever, I accepted the fact that he may not, but I also see the bits and fragments of his old self and it's confusing. He's changed, even his manner to speak and the choice of words is different and when I listen to him I don't even LIKE the man and don't see him as my H anymore. But when I LOOK at him... I love his face so much, I feel like crying now typing it (BTW, I didn't cry even once yet! and I could easily cry a waterfall until recently) . I wish he'd grow a moustache or something and change his appearance as well, dammit!

Now about his "decision".

From what he told me I understood that EVERYone has called him a fool and one of our close friends has called him an idiot:). It must have had an effect opposite of desired. He wants to prove to himself and the world that he is right to change his life, grab and keep his "happiness", represented by weak, manipulative, clinging and codependent woman (of course he doesn't see her as such) and, generally speaking, "show them all". Which tells me that he's still in the midst of his MLC. May be I was wrong thinking that he's emerged out of his tunnel.
He also told me his dream about him acting as a conductor and been shy, because his Father was watching (very short version). His interpretation of his dream: he was always afraid of making decisions and speaking/acting out, now he WANTS to change it ALL, at once. My interpretation of his desire to "change it all": it sounds desperate, therefore it may not be genuine. He even told me he's thinking of CHANGING HIS FAMILY NAME (?!!!).

I know, I started sound as if I have hope and/or expectations.
Believe me, I don't. I'm going to dig myself out of his mess and GAL and try to be content with what I have, which is myself.

But I think he's not done yet (yes, Lisa, he's still confused!).

I too hope the farewell parties aren't too difficult. Have you given thought to what to say when asked, "So what do you both plan on doing when you get back home?"

Yoyo, the yesterday's party was the one I was afraid of mostly, and it went well. I'd change subject every time I'd sense that it might get awkward. H did well, too. Now 2 more to go, peace of cake :).

ok, I've used up all my time , sorry I'm not posting on your threads right now, I'm still reading, at least trying to.
((((HUGS))))) everyone, love you all.