Yeah, I was over there by the tomatoes and here he come, naked as a jaybird ...
Anyway, I had my counseling session today. Interesting. Last Friday, I asked W what she was doing for the long weekend and if she was going to be around. She said that she was planning on taking the kids somewhere fun on Monday and that I could come or take a break. My MC seemed to think it significant that she invited me. Then, after the session, I talked to W and she gave me a long update on the kids and I asked her about the Fri/Sat before my birthday. On Monday, I asked her if she would come out with me Friday night and Saturday for my birthday. Tonight, she asked where would she stay, would she stay at the house? The last time she stayed at the house was when I snooped through her phone and purse etc. I said that I was hoping to have more money available when I asked her and if she wanted, she could go sleep at her house. Then, she suggested that maybe we spend the day going on a long hike maybe even climbing one of the 14,000 peaks here. I told her that I would think about things and get back to her. The interaction was friendly and positive and to that degree it was good.
What else with my counselor. I explained a lot about where I'm coming from, things that are happening with me that I won't talk about in front of my wife. Things like that I've been out to the bar every weekend for the past 2 months hitting on pretty girls and they all love me. I did tell my counselor about one woman I met a couple of weeks back with whom I had a great connection and even though she lives on the coast, she insisted that I get her cell number and her card. IC thought it was significant that I was learning that it is possible to make connections with other people besides W. OK, fine. We didn't really map out a plan though she did reiterate that the DB principle is that bringing another person into the R just causes problems. That was of course in response to my assertion that if I find out for sure that my W is screwing around, then I plan to file for a LS and screw around myself.
Onward.
I've known the name of OM#1 and OM#2 for a while. OM#2 is the definite alternative and looks to be in danger of being pushed aside if W can find an easy way to do it. Then she can be dodging 2 guys. Anyway, I have OM#2's contact info and address, but, I could never get OM#1's address, I have his cell number.
Well, tonight, I was determined to get the GPS coordinates for JWS. First, I paid for the cell phone info, but, it looks like his mother's house. Then, I looked up his company's info in the state corporation filings and got an address and I grabbed the spare key fob to W's car and drove over and sure enough parked in the visitor parking is the van I'm paying on. I snooped the van and found the cell phone that OM#2 gave W and I browsed through it and I see that she isn't making or receiving a lot of calls from OM#2 and no texts. I imagine that she puts the phone in the glovebox because she doesn't want OM#1 to know about OM#2. I could cause so much drama for my own amusement right now. But, that really wouldn't help me move toward my goal which is to eventually build a great new R with W. I also thought about taking the van and driving it somewhere so that it looked like it was stolen when she got up in the morning, but, I had just asked her about the second key and then, I'd have to take the kids to school etc. Hassle, so I left it alone. I'm not quite sure where I'm going from here.
I'm truly not even upset right now. First, I don't know that she is being intimate with OM#1 though that's the way to bet. Second, I've burned out a lot of my drama receptors. This is the normal pattern. I got worked up to the point where I thought that I couldn't take it any more, I survived, and now I'm better. I don't approve of what she's doing. I don't like what she's doing. I won't condemn her for what she's doing. No matter what happens, I will continue to DB and work on me and try and find ways to do 180s. I saw that W had picked up sale flyers for houses in the city where we'd like to live. Again, I don't know what she is thinking if she thinks that I would obligate myself while in the shadow of a divorce.
Maybe this all sounds crazy and weird. It does, but, I'm really pretty OK with things right now. She isn't going to run out of what she is giving away. She wasn't giving any of it to me anyway. So, in many ways I can ignore it.
However, I still need to KNOW if she is unfaithful as that will direct my actions and I'm not sure how to proceed on that count. I did note that the window for the bedroom above the garage had flickering lights like the TV was playing and the window blinds are open. So, someone could definitely put a little camera on the outside of the window and get some video. Some might ask, wouldn't that just cause me more pain? Perhaps some, but, not really. I'm really pretty detached right now.
We will see where things go. I may decide to do nothing, but, continue DBing. I may hire an investigator. I don't know.
But, I love my W and I can forgive her and I do think that I'm seeing some very small signs of life.
