Great. It was wonderful spending time with the kids. I saw W today and was able to just listen to her concerns. I may soon be to the point where I can just look at her and enjoy her for who she is when she is venting. I was pretty close today.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Today was W's parenting time. I went to soccer practice and watched. S7 got a ball in the eye and I held him for about 5 minutes until he "recovered". I also talked with a friend I haven't seen since baseball. She has a WAS that left her over a year ago and has only had contact with him 2X. She is doing better now, but the anger is still in her voice when she talks about H. I don't understand how the S can just leave without contact. Are they that detached from there kids???
Anyway feels good to be out of the tension.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ready, I want to say two things to you right now.....first, WOW, you sound so strong and put together. Look how far you have come and how much you have grown. I think it is so important to journal so that we can look back and see the path that we were on compared to the path we are now on. Second, I want to talk to you about the control issue your wife has with you. My IC gave me some great advise (hope she would , I pay her enough, hehe). Anyway, she told me a story about a woman who always complained that her ex-H did not spend enough time w his kids. When he finally stepped up to the plate and started to spend alot of time w his kids, she started to complain that he was spending too much time with them. If you start to thank her for making diner for the kids, it is going to backfire on her and she will change her strategy and you will get to spend this quality time with them. Just a suggestion. Its kind of like judo, you use their energy to help you fight your fight. Hope it makes since. You are doing great and kudos to you for getting to have 2 great days with your kids!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
R2C - have been following your thread recently. While it is sad that things have gotten to the point they are, I am very inspired by your approach, your attitude and all round dedication to the cause. I know also that it can be really hard to avoid "tasting the apple." After all you have been without love and loving for a long time, not to mention th urges a man has. I am looking at this like a long Lenten fast where staying off tempations is what I need to do for a long time until I am ready.
Cuddling with your son for 5 minutes at soccer had to be precious. Becoming the Dad you are now is even better. Divorce does make folks wake up and figure out their priorities.
Remember, apples are.. temptation incarnate. Switch to bananas!
[quote=Gypsy] Of course Mommy came to the rescue and I handed him to her.
Ready, I am not defending your W here at all, I just want to say something from a mother's perspective. I have generally been the one who took care of my S physical and emotional needs. When he would get hurt, I was the one who put the bandaid on. That was my role - main caregiver. Even to this day I swoop in at times to try and help him. When my H and I first seperated, there was an incident where S hurt his head and began to cry. I rushed over passing my H to get to my S so that I could care for him. It was instinct. H started yelling at me that I was not letting him be a parent and I had no right to do that. Again, I was not trying to push him out of the way, it was just the dynamic of how things had always been. Ijust wanted to give you a possible different take on the sitch.
We can chose to look at other in a negative light or a positive light, even when they are doing negative things. Maybe she was just obeying her mommy instincts and felt that S could use some of her attention as well. It might have had nothing to do with you. When we focus on the positives in life, it becomes a happy place to navigate and forgiveness is handed out readily. I have seen too many people go through D only to end up angry bitter people. I made the decision I would NOT become one of the walking wounded. The only way I could let go of the pain was to try and always see things from a more positive point of view so that I could forgive and let go.
I think you are a wonderful father and now you are getting the opportunity to know your children very well. When you have them, it is YOUR time with them and you get to be in charge of the memories you create for them. As much as all of this sucks, your bond you have with your children is a positive. Look at how much you have grown through this as well. You are no longer the person that your W left. That is good too. If she does not want to come back in the end, SHE is the one missing out on something pretty freaking wonderful, not you. Hope you dont see me as being to pushy, just was trying to offer an alternative on how to think about things. Hope you are doing good.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
