Sooooooo, I say, no one should post to him because he obviously just needs a place to vent and spew his hatred of nearly everyone. He's not looking for help and we can all spend our time communicating with people that do want help.
Phil, I truly do hope for your kids sake that you can get your $hit together. They deserve it. I'd love to hear your W's side of all this. And....I'm extremely sorry for your children.
Yeah qoe100, you would like to hear her side, because you a drama queen. Most of you are. That's why you love reading my posts. You love to antangonize me and spin me out of control.
You not supportive at all. You run in the room bash, crash, and say your never coming back. All of you that said you were never coming back always come back.
I do not need any counseling. I do not need therapy.
I do not need you telling me I'm doing a bad job.
What do you think I'm trying to do. I'm trying to save this. I know I'm pushing her away.
None of this matters. It only matters to her, when she decides to make the step. She just wants to run.
The whole ride here I had to hear my daughter say. I don't want to stay with you tonight. I want to be with mommy. I said too bad I'm your Dad and I say you need to go to bed early. Then as soon as she gets out of the car she says she is tired. I said that is because you are not sleeping enough, which is another reason you need to go to bed early.
I joined PTA, that will get the wife's goat. I'm not going to go to meetings because that is her thing. I'll just pay the 5 bucks. It's helps PTA.
No quo just you and the others I have mentioned. Why should anybody listen to you? Are you a db God?
Here was some good advice. Everyone thinks they have the answers to someone else's problems when in fact they don't.
In my situation there are no answers. They only thing I can do is try and enforce and be firm, and continue to repeat what needs done. She isn't going to follow, but I need to keep her calm. I need to keep calm around her. I need the children to know that I am the sane one, and trust me they already know that.
Support me, don't bash me... Maybe lets try and say that LostPhil is trying to cope. LostPhil is seeking guidance. LostPhil is looking out for the best welfare of his children. LostPhil is handling his out of control wife the best way possible. He slips he falls, lets pick him up.
Phil, The people here are not trying to bash you. They are trying to help you. People come here to learn from other that have gone before them. You have had some of the longest standing and most caring posters here reach out to you and yet you reject them and insult them and refuse to accept their advise and wisdom. Why is that?
Have you read Michelle's books? If you haven't, you should. Where you don't want to listen to the people here because they are not experts, Michelle is.
I know you think your situation is unique. But it's not. I know you think your W is crazier than anyone else's. But she's not. You cannot control your W but you can control yourself. You can control how you deal with your W and her parents. When you learn to do this, you will see how much easier this will be.
You absolutely must get yourself under control. If you continue as you are, you will end up having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. Go to church or go away for a couple of days. Do whetever you need to do to get yourself centered because as you are right now, you are no help to your children, your family or yourself.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Bash me they do. Pretty telling me I'm a bad dad and parent because I try to keep this as stable as possible. Now it's 10 and the kids are already saying when is mommy comming. After I already told them they are staying. How do I make them stay when she is going to come here acting like a tornado If I tell her no.
You get help. There goes someone else talking out of their belly buttons.
I joined PTA because she said I was never involved in anything with the kids at school. Now I told her that I just thought PTA was for moms and such, plus I can't do PTA functions because I work.
Then I get told well such and such Dad does it. And this Dad does it, and the grandparents do it. Then I ask do they work. No answer.
She even asked why did I join. I said well it says right on the form that joining does not require you to participate but the money helps PTA with insurance and things. I told her I wasn't going to go to meetings.
So before you talk out of your hair folicles, button it up.
Everyone has somethig to say, even when I ask them not to say it. I don't need condesending attitudes.
Have a nice night.
When she came and picked up the kids. I walked them out. Discussing the PTA thing. I went to her window. I said you are off tomorrow, correct. She said yes, and clapped her hands like London on Zack and Cody's Suite life. I said ok, well I do not even know what to ask or talk to you about because you'll act all crazy anyway. She laughed. I said ok good night leaned in and she leaned towards me and I kissed her cheek.
People posting on her spins me out of control, because it is usually at a point when I am so overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with emotions. Doing school work. Doing work, work. Talking on the phone with some bungle head about the problem they are having, and they can't follow simple directions. Then I have some stupid comment that I find a need to respond too.
Point is, I do get support from good people. Others I do not. Funny I keep repeating the same thing. Because I do not waiver from position once it is set.
So why did you post fig, to dance, to sing, or to scare dogs away?
Do you think anything you said gives any kind of remote support to me? It doesn't.
Have you read Michelle's books? If you haven't, you should. Where you don't want to listen to the people here because they are not experts, Michelle is.
Then Michelle should take my case probono.
Is she on these boards? Does she drop in as an alias? Have I given her the rubbed fur?
Yes I have read Michelle's books. How many people need to ask me that.
One of the things in Michelle books is this. When a person makes up their mind and say that are done. They are done.
Maybe that is my wife, and no amount of DB'ing will matter.
Do what works. Going dark with my wife is not the answer.
Being nice and humble.
Get treated like crap and still be involved in everyone of beckon calls. Then even if I do that. She'll find fault.
Please, thank you for the advice... I will consider it. I'm telling the story, and why I know it will not work. I know my wife like a book. I know how she acts about things. Never good enough.
What you call bashing, I see as people trying to help you through a rough time. These people do not want to attack you they only want to help you. To do this, they are pointing out where they think you need to change what you are doing to help your M.
Regarding your kids, I would calmly tell them that you understand that they want to be with their mother but at the moment they are spending the night with you and then put them to bed.
If you W shows up, simply tell her that they are in bed and that she can talk to them in the morning. Again, be calm and be nice.
If she gets upset, tell her that you are sorry she feels that way but it is not in the best interest of the kids to get them up.
I cannot say enough how important it is for you to be calm. You and your W are feeding off each other. When she gets upset, you get upset which makes her more upset and then you get more upset and the cycle continues. You can control this by not getting upset. Say to yourself "Nothing she can say or do wil get me upset"
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Get treated like crap and still be involved in everyone of beckon calls. Then even if I do that. She'll find fault.
Phil, they all treat us like crap. It's what they do. They are self centered and they only see what they want. In your W's mind, you and possibly your kids are root of everything tat is wrong with her life. I didn't say that was true, I only said that it how she sees it.
your job is to not fuel this feeling. Every time you argue with her or yell at her or tell her she is wrong and any other negative thing you do or say to her, you are confirming in her ming that she is right. When you are good to her, you are causing her to question her choices.
I know everyone goes on about a schedule to you, but if you had one, you wouldn't feel like you were at her beck and call. Right now she is using the kids to control you.
I know she works evening and a schedule is hard to do but there has to be a way. For example, something like this; When she works night, she drops the kids off to you before work and they spend the night with you. In the morning, you take them to school and she picks them up after school and has them until she goes to work. Then you divide evenly the days that you both have off. Does this make sense? I don't know your entire situation, so this is only an example.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
