Piecing (or so I want to believe)

[7 Year Itch]

D is doing well. She got her stitches out today. She's doing well. It still looks pretty gnarly, but I'm hoping it won't scar too bad.

Well, I'm not feeling great tonight. No big negatives, but just a stall out that has me flustered. I keep saying I'm in it for the long haul, but lately, I just question "how long can I really do this for"? I just want to feel "wanted" again. Loved. Is that so much to ask? And no, in no way am I interested in anyone else, or would even consider looking for probably years. But gosh, in a way I feel like it's worse loving someone so much that doesn't love me back, vs. not loving anyone at all.

Ugh. Tomorrow is our 8th anniversary, and I"m dreading it. I know that's what has me going tonight. It's just one more "benchmark" that is coming and going and we are still no where close to being back together. He's still very much looking for a place to rent, and has informed me numerous times over the last few weeks that he is trying, but still feels nothing, and is a LONG way from coming home.

So of course with Fall in the air, now I have all the holiday benchmarks in my head. "will he be home by Halloween?" "Will he be home by Christmas?",

I'm just so tired of being tired.

And I have no idea how to handle tomorrow. He made it clear that no celebration of any kind of acknowledgement of it would be happening. He's coming out to see the girls (Thursdays are one of his normal days), so I'll see him, but have no idea how to act. Do I give him a card, a gift, anything? Do I avoid him like the plague, afraid I'll break down?

I have no idea.

I'm so tired.

Chris