I appreciate all the support I receive on this site. I am not so good at posting on other sitch's, just because I dont feel much confidence in what tips I could provide since I am most likely the poster boy for the worst DB'er still active here. I wish I could help everyone else, but I dont want to screw everyone else up too.
As for me being 'light' with my W during these times, I certainly can. The challenge is getting into a situation where we actually interact. I knew I blew it right away when I said 'thats what I figured' to her. Whats amazing is her friends and even her father recognize her bizarre selfish behavior. I havent asked them to say anything, but they have all said to me that they can do nothing about it. It pisses me off that no one close to her will confront her or challenge her. I'm the only one I guess.
I have basically pulled back bigtime from her, not calling or asking anything and responding to her emails and texts with just basic info. The reason I chose this route is because before she moved out, I was trying to be extremely nice and cordial regardless of the situation. She continually had stated she 'needed her space' and felt that I was always looking over her shoulder. So, I decided when she moved out, I would completely back off. I have, but I'm no where near where I want to be right now. I dont think it's worked for me.
Whenever we would have a R talk, there were always different excuses, plenty of reasons why we werent good for each other. I finally realized they were all bogus, because they were always different. However, I have found a couple issues that seemed to filter through these reasons. One is she didnt think we were best friends and she couldnt tell me everything that she might with her best friend. She didnt think we communicated very well. And, she thinks we are just too different. The first one I can understand as an issue for her, but, for me, I think it's o.k. for women to confide in their friends sometimes differently than their H. But as for us being too different, I dont buy that one. This has been proven by what we have been doing without each other. Most of it are the same activities.
The biggest thing in putting the puzzle together is I dont think she really felt 'loved' by me. I hate this because I love her to death, but I guess I was terrible at showing it and I couldnt make her feel it coming from me. I failed here. I wish I had another chance.
When you put all these things together, probably backing off and not communicating, not showing love for her, might have added to her fire.
Today I backslid a little. It's my trend I guess. I cant be patient forever and any sense of doom just topples me. It started when I got a note from my attorney. W had contacted her attorney and it came through to me that I wasnt following through on our taxes. Anyway, I emailed her and said I didnt appreciate what her attorney had said and that it was not true. She denied saying what her attorney emailed, and wished we could do all this w/o the lawyers as she is just throwing money away left and right. and...she "honestly didnt think we had anything to fight over anyways, do you?" I took this as an opportunity. I guess an Opportunity to backslide a little.
I replied back something to the point on the taxes and that I delete the nasty emails anyways. As for point #2 in her email, I just stated 'thats the point, we dont have anything to argue about. And...I cant make you want to, but if there was change between us in two areas (me +1), I think you would be glad you did'.
I know, let me have it. kaboom.
I figured it was a vague response and she is probably wondering what the hell am I thinking the two areas are. I wrote it that way on purpose. But, I dont have a reply from her.
My next issue is her birthday. It's next month. I was reading on here that one way to break the ice is with a card and a nice note and perhaps something simple in the card. I was considering putting in two tix to Phantom of the Opera. She can do whatever she wants with these. But the message is clear. A song from that show was sung in our wedding. This may be a little strong, but it's what I want to do. If she goes, she will get the message. I would hope its with me, but I doubt it.
Im not giving up, but damn, I hate being rejected.
