Max, I think that in order to DB your M as well as yourself you will have to start fresh. Even though your sitch has a deep rooted history I sense that emotionally both you and your husband have a long way to go.
So, start where you know you can make a difference...with you! Give your H space, be pleasant and happy whenever you speak or are with him. Avoid any R talk at all. At the same time you need to find things to do that will make you happy, or at least serve as a nice distraction. When you get the books you will understand more onthis and can worry about 180 in your behavior etc. Find some time to relax as well, a bath, massage, walks whatever is your thing.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
