What did I do in the past that produced good results? All I can think about is being confident and sure of myself and my goals. It seemed to get very relaxed once we got married, and my marriage became my identity. I don't want to do that anymore, but it is the behavior I gravitate towards. I don't like it. I've been forcing myself to believe that my H, 'A', will look for me from time to time. When I feel confident with that I seem to be able to enjoy the moment or look for things to enjoy. Looking through my books, taking a walk, going to the beach, signing up for a class, exercise more consistently, looking for a new job, trying on new makeup, getting my hair done, eating better, making a scrapbook of redefining myself, being grateful . . . finishing projects -- all I long to do instead of putting energy into being anxious and sad about 'A'. I believe more than before that the more I do the things I enjoy, 'A' will feel less pressured in pursuing me. You think? I hope so. Sometimes, these tiny, weeny baby steps make me crazy.
