Hello DBs, I am a newbie to this website. My H and our daughter moved to Texas 2 years ago. This was my first move and was actually living in the home town I grew up in. Our marriage, which has been dying day by day, is collapsing. My H after 20 years has told me he wants a divorce. Even though I know and ignored the problems we were having I want to not only save our marriage but help it to thrive. I was neglient in his feelings and we both stopped trying years ago. Also I was very homesick for about year and 1/2 and he said he was tired of me complaining and that I missed my family. I have recently found out that there is OW involved that is a co-worker, not just a co-worker but works for him. He told me he is not in love with me. Of course I tried guilt and pleading and it did not work and all it did was set up more barriers. We both work for the same company and actually see each other every day through meetings and work related issues. I am trying to hold it together. I have no one here to confide in since we know all the same people. He has recently started looking for furnished apartments. I know this OW has had a strong influence on him and sometimes when he talks I know it is her words. I have found a MC that I have met with twice, and he has gone on his own twice also. What I thought would be to work on the marriage but it seems he is going so we will have an amicable divorce. We will be meeting together as a couple next week but he does not want to work on the marriage. I found out about DB searching on the internet. I have had my second session with Jody who makes great sense. My problem is that I start to follow the techniques for a day then I lose my temper and blast him. I get so mad sometimes I want to turn them both into HR and get them fired but then I remember my daughter and I cannot do that. I have been reading other members postings and some have helped me. I need to really try and stick to this program or I think all else will be lost. My H looks like hell (which sometimes makes me happy depending on my outlook) but then I think he is making himself miserable just stay and try to work things out. The best/worst part I am in a state where it is community property and my savings plan is 5x more than his. He is acting like a spoiled child racking up debt on his credit card and now asking that when he moves he wants 40K from my savings plan because he has bills. Since he has no value in himself he places value on buying things. He recently had some work issues and turned 49. I think he is in the throes of a full life mid-life crisis. I want to hang on and I need strength. I need to really follow the 7 steps and will meet with Jody again in the coming weeks. It is difficult for me because I am a fixer and controller and now I feel helpless. I have been GAL these past weeks by losing weight (so easy when the bomb goes off), and walking the beach at night. Everytime I see him he tries and draws me into about the apartments he is looking at etc. It is killing me. Would like to hear from others. This is going to be a wild ride and once my family hears about it they will try and pull me in all directions.
______________________ M 52 H 49 D 15 D 28 I'm not happy 7/26
