I got lost but look what I found.

[JWS]

HI Lost

I am glad that there were good parts of the evening, and sorry for the bad. I remember how crappy it was to move her stuff out. It does not matter what state of mind you are in or how you are handling things that is a very hard thing to do, so your sad feelings are very much to be excepted.

Stick to the REAL friends strategy, I think that is your best bet and seems to be what works the most for others, and it’s the no lose option, I think you and I are both in a position to accept the possible loss of a spouse but to keep that friendship would be a true gift.

Now on to your question, and keep in mind this is just my opinion and even if I had a road map to this entire new life I certainly don’t know how to read it. I understand the question because I asked her for the same things. In fact it was my therapist idea. He even said if she does not want to talk about ask her to write him a letter with all the things I need to work on so we could get started. Well she blew me off and was skeptical that it was a ploy to get her to talk to him.

I am not saying that he would blow you off too, but lets talk about some possible out comes. He could cooperate and that would be good. He could give you a lot of “its not you its me” and he could say a lot of really mean things too. So is it worth it. Here is what I know from you. H says a lot of things that are out of character for him and don’t make much sense anyways. I am not sure that this would be any different.

Of course you are not with out fault and you have your failings like we all did, but you did nothing wrong that would warrant this from him. This may even cause him more pain because it would be hurting you to tell you what he thinks you did wrong. (that was the case with my W)

Again just my opinion, I totally understand it and you may get something out of it, but it may just be easier for him to let all talk of R or M lay low for a while, and if its easier for him I think that leads to better for you two down the road.

Now I just had a funny Idea of complying a list of all the crazy things our spouses say we did wrong. I bet you it would be quite hilarious to read, because if anyone truly believed some of this stuff we would look like a collection of the worst people on the planet, witch could not be farther from the truth.