In reading your posts I decide to tell you a story, one I posted on my thread in the short version. The story is my sister's life...I hope it helps.
My sister married very young. Her husband was pretty much a screw up, but a likable one. They were young so you never know. They were pretty happy and had three children. Well, about the time the youngest was 6 months old, I got a knock on my door. It was my sister, kids in tow. Her husband dropped her off and left for parts unknown. Just gone. No address, no phone, no nothing. Even the state couldn't find him. Now that's a WAS.
My sister had to wait 2 years for a default divorce as her husband never surfaced. My parents helped her out a bit, but she ended up on welfare. Slowly she dragged herself back up, got a home, a job, and went on with her life. During that time she met a nice man and fell in love. She married her 2nd H about a month before I married my H...27 years ago this week. Okay so about now you may be thinking.. ah WAS and happy ever after...but wait. Life being life, not so easy.
Soon after my sister remarried she was diagnosed with MS. Her life began to suffer. Within a few years she began an affair with a married man. I don't know if her 2nd H ever knew. She ended the affair eventually, and life went on. By now her middle D was about 16. This D was also diagnosed with MS. Over the next few years my sister was getting worse physically and more and more depressed as time went on. Financial things got worse as did her depression. Well, low and behold who should show up, you guessed it, H#1. And, oh yes, my sister ran off with him.
So here we are, almost 20 years later and she's off with the guy who dumped her at my door. Now here's the thing. During that time my sister kept telling me how happy she was. How H#1 was the love of her life, how they could talk, how great the sex was, her marriage was dead, blah blah blah. I saw them together during this time and who knows? I couldn't tell you. I can say this, he hadn't grown up in 20 years. My sister divorced, lost her home, and was sure this was it. Her 1st love had come home.
Well, surprise surprise they lasted a year. She now lives with her 2nd H again and has been with him the last 8 years. They never remarried, but have been happy these years. She can't say enough about him. He is a saint in her eyes. He stood by her.
So what is all this say to me and maybe to others? WASs walk away and keep going. Depressed people do crazy things. And you never know what the future will bring.
During the time my sister was off in LA LA land with her WAS (H#1), she not only convinced herself she was happy and making the right choice, she convinced everyone else, even me. I remember this and bare it in mind when listening to friends or family in my sitch. I remember all the stories of how great it all was for her. Now when I ask her about this time, she can't remember why she left, but tells me she always knew she would go back to H#2. Who knows if it was true, but it sounds good. What I do know is she is happier now than she has even been in her life, though she is physically very weak. She has suffered a major heart attack and spent a year in the hospital afterwords. Her 2ndH has held strong by her side through all of it. BTW, her 1st H has passed away.
So all I can say Frank, is live your life. Live your life today. We can not control what others do. Sometimes people really do do things because of who they are and it really isn't about us or our marriage. In the end time will always win out, reality will always win out. We have no say in what others do and sometimes they have no clue why they are doing the things they do, really.
Live your life. Let others live theirs. No one knows or can know what the future holds.
