So I married a sex addict...

[happycamper]

Many thanks for the time you take to reply to me!

If you had agreed to his asking for your help, do you you think that would have been "enabling" behaviour on your part?

What made you say no?

They say that co-addicts are prepared to put up with anything as they don't believe that they will find anyone else who will love them. I certainly put up with everything as I had a sense I was losing him and would do anything to keep him. Now I have lost him I am able to say no to things, and I guess that is why I did. I would be prepared to help him if it benefitted the children, but I can't continue to be 'parent' to him. It is his choice to leave the R, I can't help him overcome the consequences of his choice.

I think the book will help you a lot. It was one which I read at the outset of my present journey, and it really gave me a lot of info on my status. I know you mentioned that your H is also a counseller. Has he read this book?

The book has been a real eye-opener, and certainly explains the way our R functioned over the last 11 years. However, if H was on fire and I made the suggestion to put it out he wouldn't. I have no influence on his life whatsoever, so all I can do is mention that I had the book (which I did). He looked at it, and saw the 'Levels of Addiction' which he didn't really like.

He did get an old copy of 'The Casanova Complex', which he does relate to and had years ago. When he was here at the weekend I flicked through it and it looked very interesting (I think it's more about SLA and less about the more deviant sides of SA). I was disappointed when he left to go back to his other life as I wanted to read a bit more - but I should have known... he left it here!!

Thanks very much Grant, I really appreciate your input. Must catch up on your own situation.