I totally understand the diminishing hope. I was there. Your wife was there, and is still there. Your wife may not know what you do, but she could, and anyway, you don't want to have secrets from her (even though she made her own mistakes).
I totally understand your anger. My H still had it and we talked about it. We are now looking to the future so we don't talk about it much anymore. I don't bring up my past hurts and feelings and he doesn't either. The past is the past and we are now building a new future. You haven't had your wife "come back" remorseful, etc. so your anger will continue until that would happen.
You are doing many things "right", in my opinion. You are being a loving father and focusing on the kids. You gave her the retrovaille information. You put up pictures of both of you and said you do NOT want a divorce and you are still married. You do NOT accept what she chose and make it known to her. I would even kick that up a notch. Truth darts if you will.
Everyone is telling you to GAL and focus on you. You DO need to do this to be attractive to your wife and remain strong. If your wife never makes the right choice, you will still be ok and still be strong because of this GAL as well.
Other things......Have you ever had that talk about what she is doing? I mean, not being careful that you are stepping on her toes with the reality of it all? You gave her the info., have you followed up with the explanation of what it can do for both of you? She could never win a conversation about remaining married......But, I don't love you- Love is a decision and if you go to the weekend with me I can show you that. But, I'm not happy with you- You could be happy if you allow me to show you this by going to this weekend with me. I don't want to do anymore "working on it"- So, you are saying that you are giving up any chance of keeping your kids in a two parent family and will be a part time mom....etc. I guess I just think that a REAL heart to heart conv, WITHOUT the kids interrupting and having her face what she is doing, what she is doing, and showing her that there IS HOPE if she chooses it.
If you have already done all this, then disregard all that paragraph and remain the good Dad, and polite husband that throws truth darts at her every chance you can get. Do this until she decides to come back, or she serves you papers (get your lawyer ready and everything ready in case it hits when you are least expecting it). If you start to hate her, you detach completely for your own benefit and for any chance of you getting back with her. All this time you need to NOT be dating others, etc. I would have a "talk" or send a little "email" off and on but not ALL the time or she will begin to think you are just waiting in the wings for whenever she decides to come back and she will eat cake as long as she can. Whenever there is a chance to point out the effects of this on the children, do so. DIvorce is NEVER good on the children. There is research. SHe can never prove differently. Big, main point to emphasize..."SO, even though research and facts show that divorce and separation is detrimental to children, you are STILL unwilling to stop seeing OM for a while and then go to Retrouvaille with me to save our marriage and our kids' pain?"
