AFter the separation we didnt' talk much unless I initiated the conversation. When/if we talked it was because either I had a bad day with OM or I thought I was leaving OM or OM was pressuring me to leave H. Then, it would be the same talk....I don't think I ever loved you, I'm unhappy, what are we going to do about our son, etc. We even went over what would happen if we divorced and the whole logistics of it all. He told me he would make sure I was ok and give me the house, whatever I needed. He was never a jerk. Went over the same things over and over. But, these "talks" were few and far between. There was no grand gesture on my H's part, so I don't know if that would have done anything. His grand gesture was seeking counseling I guess. He could have done a couple things: Brought something to the table like Retrouvaille that gave us hope, or gotten pissed and mad and didn't treat me like the queen I didn't deserve. Either way would have done something. BUt, just being the nice guy didn't do anything. His little things and the way he was made it harder for me to continue the lies, but I still continued them. If the lies were out in the open, and he had known about the affairs, and it was public that he was living elsewhere, I could see how I would just "go with it". Everyone knows anyway I would think. But, thank God I didn't. I would have regretted this decision enormously. If I knew then that I could have hope with my husband and still have my family I would have stopped my crap immediately because that is what I wanted, at the time I just didn't see it being possible.
I do see your wife not wanting to leave the marriage, but I see her as having no hope to make it a happy one. Now, that she is public with her move, and openly with this OM,....I don't know. THat's why I pushed you to give her the retro info. Your chance is now....as she lives this new life she will more than likely keep it, even if she has regrets. My guess anyway. Especially if she knows you are seeing others now.
You seeing y is a big mistake. You saying you think you'll be good friends is bogus. You are flirting with her and making her laugh, etc. You have only been separated (not divorced) for a month and you are already flirting with others and going out for lunch together. You feel stronger and more confident....because YOU ARE GETTING YOUR EGO STROKED BY OTHER WOMEN. That is not what I meant by finding what makes you happy. Big mistake h4h. You know this. DOn't think I will ever support you spending time with other women while married. It is NEVER ok. There is NEVER a reason for it to be ok. YOu can't defend yourself on this one. It is just plain wrong.
