The problem is that you still allow this situation to consume you too much.
We all know how hard it is to stop thinking about it. It's a struggle that we all go through.
You have just not reached the point yet I suppose where you are tired of his actions affecting YOUR life and emotions.
Eventually it will happen.
Those posting here are trying to help move you along in that process, but it's a no win situation as each of us has to reach that point in our own time.
What he does affects how you feel. You see him on a regular basis, and when a couple days go by without seeing him, you eventually seek him out. You are keeping you plugged in to the drama.
I'm not sure that you believe that you can be happy on your own.
I know that you love the man. Just like all of us who came here loved our spouse. There are even moments when you acknowledge the hurt that he brings to you.
Ah...but then there are the good moments. And those good moments pull you right back in to full blown "I love you and want you in my life" mode.
I'm not saying that it's wrong. In fact it's natural.
But at some point I think you will realize that the good moments are facades right now.
What some call baby steps are often nothing more than brief touches with reality that the wandering spouse has. Then they are back off on their little adventure.
The problem is the pain they leave in their wake.
You'll get tired of crying at some point.
You'll get tired of the aching inside.
And when you do, you will decide that you are ready to begin living YOUR life, and you will leave your husband to his.
You won't stop hoping that he will return. You won't stop showing him your loving kindness.
But you will stop CHOOSING to be part of his soap opera.
Because you're tired of being hurt by it.
I think that's all people are trying to say here.
Right now, this man is all kinds of toxic to you, and you don't seem to realize it. Or if you do, you choose to roll in his toxicity out of fear of losing him for good.
When will it be time for HIM to fear losing YOU?
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
