Hi Friend, I took a couple of days off from the bb. Trying to catch up to see what's going on.
Well your wife seems to have that wall of resentment built up very high righ now and it is going to take a long time before she will trust you enough to start taking a brick at a time down. I don't know your personality type, but are you the type that can kind of joke or be playful in spite of the situation? If not, then that will not work with her since she is in the frame of mind that she is in right now. She is too resentful for any type of playfulness. The first step will be to try to build a "friendship" before trying to do anything else. Like you said, that is hard to do when she won't even look at you or talk to you.
The mind and mood swings of a WAW is so unpredictable that it will drive you crazy trying to figure it all out.....so for your own peace of mind....don't do it. They don't even know their own minds.....believe me, I've been there. One hour it is one way...the next hour it is another.
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It's impossible to say something nice to someone that ignores you.
Yes it is, but maybe you could talk to her sort of "through" the child, like saying "your mom sure looks nice today, doesn't she?" But, if mom is acting like an a$$, then it would not be the right time to say anything like that. However, don't do this either.........
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She asked when I was bringing her back...she then replied that she had a ton of work to do and all I said was 'thats what I figured'...she got really defensive about it.
Of course she got defensive, and you would have known she would if you had just thought before you spoke. We all do that, don't we? She reacted out of her resentment and hurt. Yes, she is hurt, even if it doesn't come across to you as being seen as that. She feels that she did not pass the "wife" test in your R, and you did not fulfill her emotional needs......so she thinks its hopeless and to move on is the answer.
Don't give up. I know you are hurting too.....very badly. If only you could learn to detach emotionally from her, you could have more peace. LBS say that is the hardest thing to do, but once they are able to do that, then the peace comes, and eventually even some happiness starts to work its way into their lives. I pray that will happen for you either way the M goes.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
