You know he knows he has a problem right? So pointing out his problem to him over and over is only reminding him that he is weak, men don't like to be weak. So I agree that you have to totally accept who he is right now, not who he might be if... , and decide for yourself if you can live with it. If the answer is yes, then keep on doing what you are doing.
If for some reason you don't think he knows he has a problem then I would suggest having another person talk to him, not you. You need to be the rock not the accuser. But you have to decide what you are willing to put up with , and of course your personal safety is not negotiable.
I think in your case I would write out the differences in the ways you wish to be treated by him and then decide on priorities and think about how you can nudge those changes without getting up in his face. Like if you want a good night kiss, you can initiate it, and they smile and say thanks, perhaps over time he will get used to it, and then you back away and he continues, know what I mean.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
