God give me the patience and the strength...6

[theotherhalf]

I'll admit I cycle as much as he does. When he is better, I am better, when he is down, I am down. I'm telling you as I've told him it's OW.

If there was no OW I could leave him be to do what he needs to do. If I didn't hear from him in a week, I wouldn't worry whether or not he's with OW. I would know he's doing what he needs to do. Honestly I can deal with all of this MLC crap except the OW. And I know that means that I give her too much power but it is what it is. I think alot of that goes back to my faith in myself, my self esteem. I don't "trust" enough that he'll choose to be with me again if I let him go and she is there.

Make sense?

And yet I also tell myslef that this thing with her and him has to die out on it's own. Without any help from me. If I am the one that causes it to end, there is a good chance he'll always wonder what if, and a real good chance it could happen again. But it is so hard on ME to do what is right. So against my being and what I have always believed in. I am really, really trying. It's just so damb hard.

The biggest thing I need to learn to do is not to react or to walk away from the sitch at hand. If I could do that more times than not, things would go so much smoother. But again, so damb hard to do.