sorry forgot to say, I didn't intend telling son about this until we returned from holiday, unfortunately he was in my email account whilst we were away and saw it, I have to say he was very calm and he said I know dad as sent you an email, I sat and talked to him about it and his response was good, I told him at the end of the day he is still his dad, and if he wants a relationship with him that is fine with me, I told him it was completely up to him how he handles this and I am not getting involved but the one thing I did ask was for him to not let dad hurt him again. son said that once dad as handed his money over he will think about contacting him, but it must be on his terms and no way at all does he want to have anything to do with his new wifey, son said that was the problem before dad was always tricking him into seeing and being with her, well lets just hope dad has learned his lesson.
Mandy,
I can't remember if I've posted to you before, but I've followed your story for a while.
It is a very good idea to leave it up to your Son whether he wants to contact his dad or not. I know you are very worried that Son will get hurt again, but be careful that you don't discourage your Son or put him on a guilt trip about it if he does want to contact his dad. Don't worry that he will end up having a great relationship with his dad and ignore you. That will never happen. Even if Son does make some kind of relationship with his dad, he will never forget the past, and he will always know what a great mom you are and how you are ALWAYS there for him, not just when it's convenient.
Could your son send his dad an email? Maybe say something like, "Dad, got your message. I hope you are sincere, but please understand that I have a hard time believing what you say. Please give me and mom the money in my account as we have asked, and that will go a long way toward helping me believe you are sincere. Thanks, Son."
Your x's reply might at least give you an idea of whether or not he is being sincere in wanting to have a relationship with Son, or if he is just being manipulative to try to convince Son to forget about the money.
I don't know if it's a good idea or not, maybe someone else has an opinion?
I agree, its a very tactful, diplomatic way of putting how he feels toward his father. I think Mandy and son would see how sincere he is about the relationship.
thanks for your replies, it helps a lot. yes I do intend to leave it completely up to son if he as a relationship with his father. I am in the middle of meetings with my solicitor re the moving of the accounts, in fact I have a meeting today where she is going to progress matters, I too wonder if it was the fact that it was son's birthday, or if it is because of the money, I think he possibly looks on the money as his last bit of contact with son, after visiting the banks this weekend the money is all still there, so it isn't as if he has spent it, I think he is with-holding it as a form of control and maybe thinks if son wants it he will run to him, I dont think son is thinking of doing that any time soon. Then on the other hand I think new wifey must have been pretty desperate by phoning me, things are maybe not too good in the greener grass, I will stand back as I say, carry on as we were carry on trying to get my son's money for him, and hopefully one day dad and son will have a relationship, and without the new wifey in there, as son is very adamant he doesn't want anything to do with her. hugs folks to each and everyone of you
I am happy for your S that the money is still there. Let's hope your X did not contact S because of the money, and that his intentions are genuine. Take care.
having seen my solicitor yesterday she is writing to ex once again about transferring the accounts, if no response this time we will be progressing back to court, she assures me that if ex touches the money he will have it to pay back. I also asked her to put in the letter to him the fact that I have shown son the message he sent and I am leaving it completely up to son how and if he responds, she is also putting in that we understand he is struggling with the breakdown of the relationship with his son, but cannot he see that with-holding his money is making matters worse, as son is wanting to spend some of his savings by buying things to keeep up with the trends of other teenagers his age, I also asked her to put in that I am fighting for this money for son's sake and not for mine, at the end of the day it is son's and I wont take a penny, I also asked her to mention that if he doesn't respond that it will progress back to court, and to also give him a time limit of one month to respond. I fully believe that he should of got on with this now, he signed the court order last december to say that he would transfer these accounts and it should have been done by january 4th this year, that is 9 months he as been messing around. Today will be a sad day for ex as it is 4 years since the passing of his father, hope he gets through it ok.
Mandy, this money is the last link between you guys. If he cuts it loose, he doesn't have anything else to hold onto. Its going to be an uphill battle for him and your son, I can tell you from personal experience. My dad kinda did what his did, and although we speak, we aren't close and will never be, just too much hurt and mistrust to ever get past.
braveheart, you have hit the nail on the head and that is exactly what I said to my solicitor, I also think that this is why he is clinging so dearly and stubbornly to the money, because as you said it is is last link. also find it interesting that I had a call from a friend yesterday and her and her husband were good friends of ours when we were together, they keep in touch with me but not with ex, only saying hello to him in passing. Well the friend went into the bar where ex and bitch goes and ex went over talking to him, as he was walking away and friend made sure he was a distance away so everyone could hear he shouted and asked how son was doing, he must be a big lad now havent seen him in ages, ex replied yes he's ok thanks, so he covers up the fact that he doesnt have contact with the child. I am waiting to see what actually happens with the house we had, it is still up for sale, I want to see what happens when it sells, because when he locks that up for the last time and hands over the keys etc that is another end to part of his son's life, it is the home his son grew up in and that was supposed to be his to do what he wanted with when he reached 18 years old, but no greedy dad has taken that back, I do think he will find it hard to hand it over, because he did when he handed his dads property over, in fact it was me that had to lock the doors and it was me that had to hand in the keys at the agents as it hurt too much for him to do, later after a few months he told his auntie he regretted letting his mom and dad's house go, so maybe she will have to do the locking up and
I am totally bored of this game now. Ha Ha, no more contact from the ex to son, so it must have been a blip due to the fact it was sons upcoming birthday, or maybe I am starting to believe it wasnt him that sent the text message to son, I think it could have been wifey trying to earn some good girl points, ha ha ha
