I am now making an attempt to start each day with a more positive attitude. I may feel sick on the inside, but thinking negatively probably does me more harm than good.
This morning I made a list of improvements in my situation. To be honest I'd been feeling like things had been on a downward spiral since I'd left in terms of future talk, the amount of contact, and obviously no ML :).
However, it dawned on me that as H has been in a pretty bad depression, I should see improvements in his own mindset as baby steps forward. Yes, he has been saying harsher things than he did when I was in Dublin, but at the same time, he has actually been talking to me. So, here are my positives:
1)H has life in his voice again, and got this after less than 2 weeks of me being away. I am not exaggerating when I say that before it sounded like he was a robot.
2)While the email that H sent me was very hurtful, it showed that he was acknowledging that some things were actually his "fault", that not everything was down to me.
3)While the things that H said were also hurtful, he felt that he could say them to me. He was open and honest.
4)H took the time to write a meaningful email to me, something he hadn't done in a very long time.
5)H said that he thinks he is coming out of being very unhappy. He sees rays of hope that he can get himself there.
6)On the coaching call H said that he was willing to come up with a schedule for contact, and he has since suggested a time for a call.
7)Even after the hurtful call and email, he reached out to me on a Sunday to ask what I was doing, what I had done over the weekend, and told me about his own weekend.
8)On the call H said that the more time he had to himself, the less he needed. He also said that he might get sick of his own company.
We have a long way to go as now H is seeing the R as his primary source of unhappiness, but if he is willing to open his heart a little bit, then there is hope.
I'll post again if H reaches out today. I suspect he might call tonight, but I am trying not to get my hopes up too much.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
