I was actually working on a post for you.. that I never got around to posting. I found myself with a few free moments tonight.. and was drawn to your post.
I can't say that I know a lot about your situation.. but I can say.. I can see some good in it.
"I feel very strange now - very sad, a little bit frightened and very much relieved at the same time. I feel like waking up after a long surgery - nearly two years long. Yes, I've lost a limb. But it's a recovery time now and I know that I can do it. I feel neither anger nor bitterness towards H. I'm not even angry with OW anymore. I guess, I'm done. I guess I can start healing now. The funny thing is, H is more friendly than ever, the tension is gone, finally! He hugged me several times, kissed me good night and was very sweet to me in general. Now that he doesn't have to pretend that he loves me, he can allow himself to like me as a friend. He is not an alien anymore but he is a different man. He is someone I wouldn't have fallen in love with or married in the first place. His jorney through the dark tunnel is over and he matured into somebody else. My H as I knew him ceased to exist. I cried a little bit in front of him (very little, really!), but I don't care anymore, I'm moving on and I feel free to do whatever I want :). We laughed a lot together too. All and all, under the circumstances, it wasn't a bad evening."
That says a lot to me. I know from my personal experiences.. the amount of work.. and Emotion that went into getting "here".
I always talk about its a walk of you.. being where you are now.. is not a bad thing. In my simple mind.. it was just a potential outcome of the situation you found yourself in. You will find some strength in having to "walk" thru this.
Hope.. even if it is a little bit.. is a sign you are looking to the future.. or what may happen. DB'ing.. is always about allowing something different to happen.. even though you never can quite see what life holds for you.
It seems the two of you actually communicated there. Hope for some more of that.
I wish you the best.. life has to offer.
Keep your head up...
And Always...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
