(1) "so I pulled over to ask if he was looking for me" WHY????? What part of NO CONTACT is confusing? What part of "don't hit the bottle" do you think is mistaken?
(2) His perceptions are ALL that matter. He did not get what he needed to feel loved, respected, or feel like a priority. THAT is what matters. This does NOT mean that you are to blame for that. No doubt a lot of it has to do with his own problems that have nothing to do with his choice not to communicate. But quit discounting his feelings because YOU think he should not have had them. He had them, for too long. It ended the M. It is over.
(3) Continuing to want someone in your life to make you feel better who does not want to be in your life and who wants to be a different person than you want them to be is selfish. You want this when you get needy. You want this after contact. Call your sponsor. You are really better than that, you don't need to go back to the old enmeshment drug of neediness.
(4) For F-you-CKS sake!!!! Quit trying to fix your EX-husbands problems. Leave him alone. The pool is his problem. Get out of his way, stay out of his sh*t. He does NOT want to partner with you on life stuff beyond what is required for shared custody of the children.
(5) Ditch the idea immediately of trying to get to your EX-husband through your IC again. LEAVE HIM ALONE. CRIMINY!!!!!!
(6) If you can't stop your trip off the wagon that is taking you down this all-about-X path, I hope you will at least try to be honest with your date about that, in fairness and decency.
Have a great time with your roomie! Things won't just be OK, they'll be great :-)
