We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[onedge]

"Btw, why are all these 22 yo. single guys being invited to your son's birthday party ? What do they have to do with him ? Sounds odd."
My wife never really had a lot of friends, and she is now friends with her brothers friends, they are all invited coz' thats just how it works with my W's family. It's odd but you get used to it. I'll deal.

"I don't think her former husband or whatever is the reason for her depression. That's a victim mentality. I think the way she has learned to/chooses to process things is the reason for her depression. (but don't tell her that! She's not interested in truth right now). But I'm not a professional. Still, sounds like she does not take responsiblity for her own emotions."
That is true, and i don't think she does take responsability for her emotions. But in her defence, she was picked on a lot growing up, and the father of her first child, when she was 16-17 left and said that the child wasn't his. The depression was already there, but if that didn't happen, it wouldn't have gotten as bad.

"Don't let your fear or anxiety or need derail your ultimate goal, which is to save your marriage. Fear or anxiety based actions or words often have the opposite affect on others that we actually want."
Question below about that

My W knows I am trying to save our marriage. She told me tonight that she isn't going to try, and that she doesn't want us anymore.
I can deal with that, I know where i stand now, it's not a good place but at least i know, and she knows that I am going to try and carry the burden of our failing marriage for as long as i can.
But what do i do from here? LRT seems to be not right for what is happening, but i'm not exactly good at knowing what to do. any suggestions on other things to try?

she said something else last night aswell. She said that we have gone back to how we were before we got together. She contacts me and i don't contact her. Up untill now she has seen herself as running after me (didn't say it but it think that is what it is like). Is it ok for me to contact her just to chat, or anything, just because I want to, it kinda seems like a logical 180 in a way, but it contradicts what it seems I should be doing? confused but does that work?

You seem to be going really well, and you seem to know what your talking about. I have the issue that I can learn a lot about relationships an issues in them, and ways to make it better. I can give advice, but i can't put it into practice myself without getting it completely wrong. How do you stay focused enough to be able to do it? I am focused on what I want and where I want to be, but when I'm around her, i get muddled up and I ramble, and it hurts the situation, I try not to but it's habit (i need to break that i know).