Well...I am checking in. Wife did not go to Mexico because I told her I was against it. Friday night she asked me if i minded if she went to one of her girlfriend's house...no problem she took D7 along. Saturday was spent doing household chores togeehter and Sunday she went to celebrate her mom.s birthday on her side and i went to my nephews' birthday gathering. When she got home, I told her calmly that I love her but I was no longer prepared to sleep in my daughter's bed and come after the dog and the cat as far as her attention goes. I asked her point blank if her feelings had returned to what they were six months or so ago (ie no feelings) because there is an OM in the picture and or he came back. She quickly said no and then said she was too tired to talk....she wants to talk tommorow. I told her that I would not be here when she gets up and she can take the whole day tommorow to think about it. I am not willing to continue sleeping alone and being treated this way. This goes gainst DB principles but enough is enough....either we work at this together or she will have all the freedom and the life that she wants but good old Johnny boy is not hanging around.
Hi John, I suppose the fact that she respected your wish not to go to Mexico is a positive for you, isnt it?
You very well know, just as I do and our other friends that the decision or the moment "it is decided" to leave a marriage is NOT the difficult part. What comes after that is the difficult part. You have had a taste in the past, think long and hard before you decide what to do. It seems you are all worked up but maybe, just maybe, your thoughts are not your Ws thoughts as well. Maybe you assume wrongly. Maybe you'll get to listen to the other side of the story tomorrow. Keep your ears and your heart open, it's your wife and family that you love dearly that is in stake here. Be wise, be smart. Nobody said it would be easy or a "once-off" deal (I maybe making up words here, excuse my English ). Love K
I am glad W did NOT go to Mexico. I think at this point, you are right to tell her how you feel/what you think. You moved out, now you moved back, of course you wouldn't expect to be sleeping in Ds bed. You may as well be at the apartment if you aren't going to be "together". I am probably not helping here, I know I am not sounding DB-ish!
At this point, I agree with K in that you shouldn't let your mind lead you where your W has not taken you. (In terms of OM or her feelings changing again.) You did your part. You told her how you felt about the situation. She said she wanted to talk about it tomorrow. I think at this point the best approach--not that you asked--would be to listen to whatever she has to say before making any kind of decisions.
I know that if she says she wants you and gets all close and warm again, even that will leave you wondering. Because you guys did that before the trip to the Dominican Republic, and you may have concerns that you will always have to be reminding your W of what you want, instead of her just doing it/being it/whatever. I don't think I am saying that right. What I mean is, I think I remember you saying that before, that you don't want this to continue to repeat itself, where you get closer, you drift apart, you leave, then you get closer, etc. etc.
But at this point, I would just have both ears and your mind as open as possible to what she has to say. Love on D7 and take care of John. Thinking of you...
Thnaks guys....i hear what you are saying. It is tearing my guts out because i feel like I am going throgh this once again. I did listen and the message sounds stangely similar to the original bomb. I can't believe she asked to me to continue helping her with her business because it is the most important thing in her life (along with D7). I have to ad,it I lost it a little at that point. Apt. here I come.
i can't believe how similar this feels to a few months ago. I just spoke to my W and she assured me that this is as hard as her as it is on me. his time she added a twist "you deserve more than what I am giving you". I just mowed the lawn and am tidying up before I finally get to the packing part....should not take too long and yes I am procrastinating. Took D7 to her firts day of school today....can't believe that we are about to rock her world forever...ok maybe a tad melodramatic. I feel like I have said all this before......weird. Bottom line is if two people do not work at it and or are not committe dto making it work, it is very difficult on the other person (ie. me). Well, I put my foot down and will have to live with the consequences....it's not like I got an argument out of her. At this time tommorow, I will either still be in piecing in our house or in seperated in the apt.....either way Johnny needs to find happiness and stop worrying about everybody else.
wow john hadnt seen this before, love the title. althougth patience is my worst flaw! My mil said something to me the other day, about all the work that had been done with my H in our marriage if ya call it that. she then said sweetie, all the work that was done, you did, he hasnt done a thing yet. wow i hadnt even seen that! that is my new to think about and over analyze lol! my H a few months ago, was gonna go on a business trip. I was ok with it, TIL I found out his boss wasnt going, the OW was going in the bosses place. I have NEVER threatened a D in this whole mess, but I plainly said, since this trip is optional, not mandatory, you go and she goes, we end, you will be served the second ya walk off that plane. and I guess he believed me, it wasnt a good time for him to go anyways no matter who went with my health issues, but he made the choice, AND told the boss, he wasnt going to leave me at this time. it kinda felt good, but at the same time, if we are gonna truly R, he should have said no right when he found out she was going, ya know? I wont move, he can but i am not leaving. maybe it is time for you to rock her world my friend!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
BBG, it would not be very difficult to rock her world and I may just do that later tonight. I moved out once before with the desired effect.....she wantedt to work on US. Well, 3 months later we are pretty much back to square one. When I leave again, rocking her world would be to make it very difficult on her as far as household stuff, D7 and her business is concerned. Unfortunatelly, my LL is acts of service and since i still love my W, it is almost impossible for me to rock her world....unless of course you mean to begin divorce proceedings. I went to pickup D7 and literally had tears in my eyes on the drive back home....oh yeah and i picked up supper, dog food and luch stuff for D7....you know what they say about nice guys..... yep last place for me.
Back at the apt.....feel like sh!t. Had a quick chat with W before leaving....couldn't help but bring up th OM thing. It went something like i know you, I can't believe that you are redy to give up 10 years of your life, hurt D7 ..... give up your dream home and everything we had ...... if there is nobody else. Her response....are you starting with that again? That was it. I have to admit that this is harder than I thought. I need to regroup and focus on me. After 1 yr. of DBing I need to take control of my life and not let life's waves take me all over. I guess I need to find another location.....I need to start a new thread in separation. I am through DBing though....at least I am through in the sense that I am no longer working for my marriage. I will start to gather information on lawyers and divorce proceedings. That is it for now. Hope i get some sleep tonight....it will not be easy. Thanks to all who have read my posts and have taken the time to encourage me and give their opinions. To those who took away some hope from my previous success allbeit short lived, I am sorry I was not a full fledged success story. My success barometer now will be how I handle myself around D7 and slowly getting my new life in motion.
John hugs my new friend! i know you love her, I can tell reading your words you type here. I guess in my case, its me, I have the kids,even tho they are mine before him, they are his. Maybe I said rock her world cuz i am tired and i want to rock his. idk. but, you love her, you love your d. something is making you want to fight to save, my flaw? is that if i dont, I wont know the what ifs...... what if you dont rock her world and just go thru the divorce? I can more than rock H world and his OW, havent but could. I battle daily, do I rock, or do I file, it sucks, just so you know, I do know your battle my friend!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Wow John, this sucks. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope that you are still getting a lot of time with D. I am afraid I may be heading in the same direction as you, but for now it is too soon to tell...
You have been a strong guy through everything I know you can make it through this. Take care my friend.
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