I hear what your saying. I am struggeling to feel good about many things in my M right now. However, we have also come such a very long ways. I feel like this whole thing has been a learning process for both of us.
I am just recently starting to feel really scared for our future. But I am not at all willing to give up. There are many positives in my situation still.
His drinking and us living apart are the two things that are bugging me the most, but I have no idea what to do about them. Other than to be patient and hope that my H continues to better himself. He has made some progress in many other areas, except for these two.
He and I are best friends again, and it feels great. I know I wont be able to put up with living apart forever. He knows this. So I need to be patient and see where things go from here. If we were to move back in with each other, his drinking/bar hopping would ultimately slow down. That is why he doesnt want to make the move, because he is just not ready to stop his drinking. He would no longer live right next to all the bars if he were to move back in with me. He also says its because there is no place for him to have his band practices at my place, and his band is so important to him right now. So he is going to stay at his apartment for now. UHG! I dont know how long I can do this, living this way. But I cant quit now.
There are many people who are alcoholics and are in happy marriages. Their signifigant other doesnt always have to leave them due to there drinking. That is why there are things like Alanon. I have had many suggest it to me, but for some reason I just havent tried it yet. I guess I feel like it wont help. I know there general message. I guess if things get worse, I would have to try that before giving up.
My H really is a good man. He never used to drink as much or crave going to bars. I think it is all part of his crisis. He is not out of the woods yet. But I can see him starting to exit at times. I do think that if my H were happier with himself and his career and his life choices, that he would not be acting this way. He has no where to go but up. He is trying to explore changing careers, and he is getting his financial situation back together. I have seen so many small improvements in him, I cant give up now. Take Care, TIPPER
