n retrospect I can see that this kind of discussion pushed her guilt buttons. At the time I felt she was just refusing to accept responsibility for her own actions. Even now I feel she blames me for her affair. One of the last times we spoke about it (months ago) she told me it was 100% my fault, this divorce and mess was all my fault. I had to stop and clarify - are you saying you had no part in it at all? Yes, that's right, she said. ????
You do feel terribly guilty about what you have done and it is not pleasant talking about it. It is very uncomfortable and you know that the best form of defence is to attack.
Also there will be lies caught up in the whole scenario. Things she may of agreed with the OM not to talk about ( hence protecting him ) etc and so the more you talk , the more lies etc. If my husband had accepted the lies and carried on like nothing had happened, it would of happened again. The best thing he did for me was to force the truth. That way I looked at the A and i looked at myself. Trouble was he became stronger and I grew weaker BUT the truth was out. No more lies and that is liberating. It did take me more than 3 years to come clean.
Course my problem now is that he does not want to be married. He says it took to long for the truth to come out etc etc. He has never confronted the OM ( who still remains married to a wife who is oblivious to extent of affair )but he said yesterday that he is going to soon. This could possibly mean that our community and friends are going to also know the truth. How this will impact on my kids - i dont know. They also do not know the extent of the affair. They do know about the other guy but think it was all about lunches and phone calls.
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Absolutely, and i took it as a wake up call. Ok, what do WE do about this?
So did I once I had decided that I wanted to be married. I tried to get him to see the positives about it and not dwell on the actual A. He cannot do it. He is just stuck. I think taking positives out of any situation is the healthiest thing to do.
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I don't know. . . She may never have another adult relationship.
That is kind of sad. My H and I both come from long time married parents and we are the first ( with kids ) to seperate , so know one knows what to do or say. I cannot understand why anyone would not want to have a partner in life !
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ou asked how I am feeling. I am feeling stable. A little tentative about the long road ahead. I feel a bit unprepared, but determined anyway, to look for and follow the right path. I feel lonely, often.
Lonliness is the worst. i have children at home, I have a busy little business and I have lots of girlfriends BUT it cannot replace the love of a man.I hate not having him around at night. My H just enrolled in a sailing course to begin what we were going to do together and that is sail in different places around the world. Broke my heart that he is forging ahead without me. Plus it takes up sundays and he did not even consider that this is time with the his children and his only day. Selfish ! Although the youngest is 16 she gets no time with him.
Anyway my books on Divorce busting have not arrived yet , hopefully some guidance from them will be enlightening.
