WAW in MLC? Can anybody here give me their take?

[Jimbo]

Hi gang,

I hope you all had a good holiday weekend. I decided I needed to take some time away from the board to consider how to apply Sandi's take to my sitch.

The whole issue of how to approach counseling with W became a non-issue. After we left the counseling session Wednesday, she told me in the parking lot that she was glad that she went for the experience of what it was like, but that she would not be coming back. (I was actually half expecting this, but was still crushed to hear it from her lips). Screwed up again- I turned it into a R discussion where I made no headway, and she didn't back off her position. (When will I learn to keep my mouth shut? >SIGH< )Among the points she made about our R- if she still loved me, why doesn't she feel sexually attracted to me, and why wouldn't she feel she wants to be back with me again all the time, instead of just when we're together? But we wound up going to dinner together afterward for 2 hours. She dropped me off back at my car where she told me she had a really good time, gave me a kiss and hugged me for what felt like 5 minutes.

Between going dark and trying to outshine the OM, I think that I'm going to go with the outshining. If what she said about never thinking about me at all when we're apart is true, I can't see how going dark is going to do anything but be harmful, and put me completely out of her mind.

So, now the next step is to work on me even more. I'm shopping around for a gym to go to, which is a big deal for me. I've never been the athletic type- more of an intellectual than anything else. Exercise has never appealed to me (probably because it reminds me of how uncoordinated I am), but I'm tired of feeling down on myself about my spare tire. I had already done the new clothes thing and the cologne, with no (outward) response. I've been having the outside of our townhouse painted, and hung some pictures up inside which, curiously, made me feel better about me. I've been hanging out with some lodge brothers a bit more which helps to ease the loneliness somewhat. I still wish I could get out of the habit of living my life for the Sundays when W comes over and I get to see her. I NEED to get out and do other stuff, but I'm just not motivated.

I'm going back to my counseling appointment tomorrow evening, even though W is not going to be there. Counselor seemed to think it was worth it for us to meet again this week instead of next week, even though I won't be seeing W again until next weekend. Maybe the counselor picked up on something during the W's session that sheds some light on my sitch and wouldn't wait another week? Who knows. I guess I'll find out tomorrow...