Lrt VI midlife criis gotta be patient

[craig54]

Poet,

You cannot try to predict what a mlc'er will do, or how they feel. I don't take it personally anymore. In the past it really hurt me. But with time that will change.I know she cares deeply for me, but she is strictly going by her "feelings".She is not ready to face herself, only God can help her do that.

[craig54]

Getting ready to go to brother in laws rehearsel dinner. Lots of family in town, haven't seen them since the bomb was dropped last september. I feel like an outcast. I will just mind my own business and have fun regardless of what is going on. It will be interesting to see how my wife reacts.

[poet]

Hi Craig,

Yes, please do tell when you get home. I'll probably be asleep by then, but I'll read up on it tomorrow, K?

BTW, my if you read my thread this morning, I have more news to tell. I guess the H figured it was safe to come home today since he called me at my job today and found out I am still working. I had strategically placed his Christmas card to me above the door so that when he opened it, the card would fall. He he he he :):):). It worked.

I called him and very nicely suggested that he was home. He, very guiltily, said, Yes, but I didn't take anything, nothing, nothing. I said, "Well, you really don't need to be coming home anymore when I'm not here. Call and ask first, OK?" He said he would. Now, we'll see. Lol.

I feel empowered!

poet

[craig54]

Poet,

Good afternoon. Well, the wedding was very relaxed, no drama, just alot of fun.I will admit, I had a hard time during the exchanging of the vows. Seeing my wife standing up there near her brother listening to the vows, and knowing she has chosen to disregard them was tough.

We danced one fast dance, and that was it. It felt very awkward.

I never brought our situation, just let things go.

It is in the Lords hands.

[craig54]

I came home from seeing a movie,and wife was at the house working on the marital settlement agreement. We talked briefly about what she needed to give her attorney. My tone of voice changes as soon as we start talking about the divorce, I become very business like.


Right after talking about the divorce, she starts looking at pictures of her brothers wedding. She says that a picture of my youngest children and myself were really nice, and she wishes there would have been a picture of all four of us.?????
I marvel how she can go from divorce one minute and onto a picture of the whole family in just a few seconds, without batting an eye.

I know MLC. I also brought up the sale of the house, I want to get it ready to sell as soon as possible. She just usually skirts the issue.She does not understand that she is divorcing me. She is breaking up the family.If she does this I want to make sure all ties are severed. We will always be friends, but I do not want all the excess baggage hanging over my head.This is her choice, I have not helped her in any way with the divorce.

I do not want the divorce. She knows that.

[craig54]

I just read Amy C's response to Poet. I appreciate her honesty and can feel her vulnerability.


It makes me forget about my petty misgivings with my wife and changes my focus. I have no control whether she divorces me or not. But I do have the ability to not push the situation.

I need to remember how vulnerable my wife really is. She comes to me for familiarity and at least some comfort on some level.

I waiver when I take my eye off the Lord.Far too much is at stake to deal with this without God's hand.

I don't know why she is so bent on the divorce, she is not having an affair, she is not going out partying, she just says she still has no feelings for me.

My problem is I let it affect my heart and take my eye off the prize.

Standing is jus plain hard.No one wants to hear about anymore.But I am not alone, the Lord is always with me.

We still have a great friendship. I still love her with all my heart.

[craig54]

As far as selling our house, I do not know how hard I should push my wife on this, she usually avoids the subject.She has no problem dealing with the divorce, but the house is another subject. She seems to not make the connection of getting a divorce and how that will end the relationship, in all ways, financially, the children, our living arrangements, the whole enchilada.Personally, I do not think she is really ready to end the entire relationship.For some reason the divorce signifies somehthing different too her.

[craig54]

bmp^

[craig54]

BMP^

[poet]

"Standing is just plain hard. No one wants to hear about anymore.But I am not alone, the Lord is always with me."

Craig,

Thank you so much for posting today. I have FOUND you again. I'm going to help jump start you, just like you have helped me. First, let me turn to your quote above. Here is a question for you. What does "standing" mean? Does it mean *taking a stand.* I'm not sure I understand the context, even in Amy's post. Perhaps you can put some light on it. Also, *I* want to hear about you. And I am really, really good at getting insight into people's love and problems, if not for myself, for others. Trust me. I think I can help. Amy's post today was absolutely INCREDIBLE. I'm going home tonight to read it again - and let it sink in.

"We still have a great friendship. I still love her with all my heart."

And you are no worse for the wear on this. My H and I are SO hostile toward each other now, that I can only see much better for your sitch than in mine. Keep that thought. Hold it close to your heart.

I've not read your thread, so if I ask questions, can you fill me in? I want to know ... when was the last time that you looked at her and told her you love her? When was the last time you gave her a hand-written note that says how much you want to make your marriage work? When was the last time you visited the Hallmark store and found an appropriate card to leave for her to find?

hugs,
poet

P.S. Thanks for adding your signature, but it still needs a little work. I think you should, first, try it and see what it is doing. Then, go back and re-read the instructions and do as they tell you to do. I'm not sure what you're doing wrong. Are you going to the very FIRST page of your thread and copying THAT http address? That is what you need to do.