oh sweety hes a "tactile" and "visual" learner...in laymans terms in means a baseball bat against the head (tactile) and front door slammed in his face (visual)
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
He always thinks the answer is coffee as if it will smooth things over.
I don't want to see you get hurt over and over again. Maybe if you said no to coffee he would get the message.
Honestly, it is as if he thinks you will melt each time you see him or something.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I think deep down he knows what he is doing is wrong. I just think he wants what he wants when he wants. He is very selfish and self centered. He thinks that he can make it up to you by sitting down for coffee. He is going to grace you with his presence and then that should pacify you. Show him you have changed and leave him be. Let him worry about how he has offended you.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I totally agree with the post that Snodderly has written you. Your H thinks he can just wrap you around his little finger. You need to show him just what a strong, independent woman you are!
Show him you have changed and leave him be. Let him worry about how he has offended you.
GREAT ADVICE!!!!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Cinders, I learnt long ago that when my H wanted to talk to me in a nice way then sooner or later there would be another bomb. In your case you had the civilised talk about the D and then bam! he drops all this bu88888t on you about calling people who don't deserve it grandma and grandad. IMO they do it on purpose to catch you unawares knowing full well it will hurt like hell. You see they profess to not want you but they want you to hurt b/c it means YOU still want them and everybody no matter who they are wants to be wanted.
My H and I have gone to the other extreme now as we don't communicate at all except via our Ls. He tried to shortcut that even by ringing up, being all nice and polite, asking how I was etc and then launching into nasty and horrible things about how he was going to act if I didn't do x, y and z when he wanted me to do them. So I told him straight. He was only to contact me in relation to the D via my L. It costs more but it saves me all that emotional abuse (I truely believe that is exactly what it is).
I'm pretty certain that we don't communicate about our kids mainly b/c OW doesn't allow him to. My S16 who lives with them has actually told me this happens. Add to that that apart from D13 my kids are pretty much old enough to make most decisions for themselves H thinks we don't need to communicate about them. They all have a mobile phone and so when he wants to speak to them he uses this method. When S16 still lived with me I literally witnessed them all get a separate call and have exactly the same convo with H one after the other. What a waste of money!
I know it's hard not having that communication with H, I found it almost unbearable at first BUT actually when there is no communication between us everyday life is generally more peaceful. I can't be the one who nags him about this or that b/c I'm not the one he communicates with. I leave all that up to OW. I always know when they have argued about me b/c that's when he breaks the rules and phones me about D. I am polite, listen to what he has to say until he starts ranting and then I politely explain that I don't have to listen to that sort of abuse and hang up.
Unfortunately I don't have caller display on my home phone but if you do and you don't want to speak to him just don't answer or let the kids do it and then say you are too busy to come to the phone.
Hugs
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Show him you have changed and leave him be. Let him worry about how he has offended you.
GREAT ADVICE!!!!
I've let him be.
So, had a great day, got lots done, even some shopping ! I love that the color purple is in fashion, it's a color that makes me feel good !
Kids had their swimming lesson today ! It was so FANTASTIC to see S5 swimming in that HUGE POOL !!! WOW ! Those are the things that bring joy to my life ! I am so greatful to be lucky enough to have that !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
