You know, I was just thinking about how good your approach is of just being supportive and proud of your W. From getting to know you and hearing more about your R with your wife, I get the distinct impression that she may feel outshined or overshadowed in your M. You have a really cool job, you're more outgoing than she is, you seem to have more friends and support than she has, etc. Perhaps those outward signs of success ended up making her a bit resentful for not 'living up' to something? That ended up in projection onto you and blame?
I know you've been doing this already, but I just wanted to reiterate that I think it's an excellent approach and to keep it up: giving her kudos for what she's doing, concentrating on being impressed by at least SOME of the choices that she's making (like how hard she's working in school, etc.).
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
