It's not that it is necessary to "give up". It is just that to be able to move on and start rebuilding a new life, I think it is necessary to be able to make decisions and do things without using the WAS litmus test of how they will react to a statement/action/decision. For me, I wasn't able to do that until the "last straw" made me feel like I had enough and was no longer trying to salvage my M. Ideally, one might be able to achieve that level of detachment and still keep the goal of restoring your M as the ultimate goal. I could not.
When W wanted to come back, the real decision was whether I wanted her back, and whether to reverse some of the plans I had made to move on. Obviously, I decided "yes", but I think many LBS's have moved on and say "no" at that point. I think everyone needs to decide for themselves what would be satisfactory conditions to try again, if lucky enough to have the opportunity. John, I have been following your sitch and really feel for you. Recidivism from the WAS would be tough. I am not sure I could handle it.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
