New Week Update

[redsawks44]

First off, Dan, you sound like a wise guy and i thank you for giving me your piece of the advice pie.

So update .. if anyone cares, i spent the night at ng2's house on friday night. We watched a couple movies cuddled on the couch and fell asleep.

I get home the next day(yesterday) and go take a nap before i head to the gym. W's cousin (the only person that side of the M that i have left, but i could care less if i ever see any of the rest anyways).. she calls the house phone, she calls my cell.. moments later the bell rings, she has a key.. i just didn't want to get up until i was ready. She comes in the house, you here?? i said yep.. you napping?? i said yep..

well your W is really pissed off.. i say that;s nice, why this time? Well she figured out that you have been spending alot " .. anyways bottom line is the cousin said she is likely just mad because u got the upper hand and have found someone new before she did. I don't think she expected you to move on yet.

OK.. anyways i will likely get slammed here, but it is absolutely zero of her business what I do.. ZERO!!!

Careful what you wish for, she wished for all of this, she got it, i absolutely would not even think twice about going back with W at this point.

Again I will get slammed, and if i do, i guess i will rethink posting anymore. But i have made friends here and wanted to just update them.

today W called me at 4 PM, and said are u planning on coming home to feed the dogs? I said no, we made arrangements that i would be gone all weekend, as she is gone for a week starting tuesday. I got hung up on.. sheeesh..

[maninmotion]

Thank you sawks. I don't feel so wise, today, I just hurt, but, I've chosen a direction. I had a friend point out to me that in the good, better, best distinction, I'm doing a better job of handling emotional pain than I could be. I could be checking out.

Sawks, I'm beyond judging. Your W is mad, tough.

I will say that never is a long time and only imagine that if she changed and grew and adopted DBing, then I do imagine that you might reconsider. What I hear you saying is that you would never consider getting back together with who she is now. I'm coming to a similar place. I love my W amazingly, but, I would not welcome her back the way she is right now.

Like I said sawks, go find some happiness and in some ways be thankful there are no kids involved.

Cheers,
Dan

[redsawks44]

Thank you sawks. I don't feel so wise, today, I just hurt, but, I've chosen a direction. I had a friend point out to me that in the good, better, best distinction, I'm doing a better job of handling emotional pain than I could be. I could be checking out.

Sawks, I'm beyond judging. Your W is mad, tough.

I will say that never is a long time and only imagine that if she changed and grew and adopted DBing, then I do imagine that you might reconsider. What I hear you saying is that you would never consider getting back together with who she is now. I'm coming to a similar place. I love my W amazingly, but, I would not welcome her back the way she is right now.

Like I said sawks, go find some happiness and in some ways be thankful there are no kids involved.

Cheers,
Dan

Dan are you on FB?

I have moved into a R with a girl with 2 kids, and you are right never is a very very long time, and also correct that who she is right now is someone i would not consider being with, I am getting treated so nice right now it feels really good. And I can send that back to someone who recognizes it as well. I guess I will continue to post and monitor my new R and see what happens. I will say I did meet the kids this weekend, so we both made a decision to make a real good go at this. It's early and time will tell, but it was kind of cool hanging out trying to watch a movie with 2 kids dangling over me on the couch.

[Separated]

I don't know sawks you met her a week ago and you're already in a R and have met the kids. This sounds like really shakey grounds. Talk about rushing things!!!

I'm going to be completly honest with you and tell you that I honestly feel sorry for you that you are unable to have enough self-esteem to be by yourself long enough to get like yourself a little better. I know that you have been S about 4 months but you were trying on your M just 2 weeks ago so that is actually how long you have been by yourself not the full amount of time you were S. Plus you still live with your W.

I hate to seem so harsh but I am just calling it as I see it. And the fact that kids are now involved too makes it even a stickier situation.

[redsawks44]

I don't know sawks you met her a week ago and you're already in a R and have met the kids. This sounds like really shakey grounds. Talk about rushing things!!!

I'm going to be completly honest with you and tell you that I honestly feel sorry for you that you are unable to have enough self-esteem to be by yourself long enough to get like yourself a little better. I know that you have been S about 4 months but you were trying on your M just 2 weeks ago so that is actually how long you have been by yourself not the full amount of time you were S. Plus you still live with your W.

I hate to seem so harsh but I am just calling it as I see it. And the fact that kids are now involved too makes it even a stickier situation.

Hi sep,

Yes I decided to give a R a try.. with the kids, i asked her over and over again are you sure? She was OK with it, we decided to give a R a try. I am not trying to sound like Mr.everythingsok but i feel more comfortable already with her than i ever did with the w, and the more and more i think about it i think i was more in love with the fact that i was married than the person i was actually married to.. hope that makes sense.

You know what, really i have been alone alot longer than that, the last year of my M really, really sucked.I don't want to get into too much details, but W had wanted to try for kids, but don't you need to have sex for that to happen? ..anyways that's besides the point. Remember i was on a field assignment for 2 years of the 3 year M.. so saw W every weekend only for 2 years.. so i have been alone for quite some time

I have been sep for 4 months and the last month is where i decided to say I am done, i haven't and likely won't change my mind on that.

i don't have anything left to say. I know I am going to come under fire on this site, and I am OK with that.

[maninmotion]

Hey Sawks, yes I am on FB. I thought I added you as a friend, but I can't be sure. Look for someone named Dan in a striped shirt that's friends with most of this crew.

I understand where you are coming from and I understand what those advising caution are coming from as well. I spent the last 6 hours at my daughter's friend's house visiting with her parents and they have a marriage that anyone would envy. I spoke with my wife and I had to excuse myself for a few minutes in the middle to go out to the car for a little time alone. Life is full of pain and life is full of joy. Even though I've made a decision, I'm second guessing my decision and I'm wondering if I'm right and if I'm as sure as I felt this morning.

I wish for you to find happiness Sawks. Don't let the relief of the pain blind you to the dynamics of the situation or relationship.

Dan

[ms ladybug]

I love my W amazingly, but, I would not welcome her back the way she is right now.

My thoughts exactly! It would be a cold day in h*ll before I'd go back to my husband, this "thing" that my husband has become. Now, the man I married, wherever he is...I'd really like to have him back.

Sawks, I really do hope you stick around here and keep us updated. My only concern is that you spent the night there with the kids around...I would AVOID against that for a long time.

[jon2911]

Sawks,
What you are experiencing right now is called infatuation. It has nothing to do with love or a long-term relationship. I wish this full article was online, it's really great:
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0602/feature2/


I hear you about hearing nothing good from your W. I thought the same thing this weekend. Is it really possible for another person to have this little respect for me? Everything from my W's mouth is like poison. I'm so ready to give up, but then some cracks show through and I see my real W, if only for a second. She still loves me, I still love her, and our friendship will survive, even if the marriage dies.

Your W is ticked that you spent the night with another woman? That shows that she still cares, no matter what she says. You're really hurting her right now. I know that's what you want to do, but is it right?

Sawks, I know NG makes you feel good, but your W made you feel the same way not long ago. This new R won't last, and deep inside you know that, which is why you keep coming back here.

My .02

[LolaL]

I like that one. Sawks, I tell you this from experience. When XH1 and I split, I started dating XH2 almost immediately. Please note they are both XH's. I never allowed myself to grieve. And XH1 was a total abusive jerk. But still, you need time, and I just question whether four months is enough. Also, I have to tell you that I feel that if you have not made the final break, ie D, you have no business pulling someone else into your M, and you are still M, even if only on paper.

[jon2911]

anyways bottom line is the cousin said she is likely just mad because u got the upper hand and have found someone new before she did. I don't think she expected you to move on yet.

Careful what you wish for, she wished for all of this, she got it

She didn’t think you’d move on so quickly? That's good! Maybe divorce is what she thought she wanted, but now she's reconsidering. Maybe she thought you’d actually change? And you started to, and maybe she secretly started to believe that this could work?

But now you’re going off the deep end…

Again I will get slammed, and if i do, i guess i will rethink posting anymore. But i have made friends here and wanted to just update them.

You won’t get slammed here, we’re all in the same boat.

today W called me at 4 PM, and said are u planning on coming home to feed the dogs? I said no, we made arrangements that i would be gone all weekend, as she is gone for a week starting tuesday. I got hung up on.. sheeesh.

Sawks, come on man, keep it nice. Remember what a nasty divorce will cost you. She's starting to reach out to you, and it's in your best interest to keep the friendship, even if the marriage dies.