Have a wonderful time on your trip. I would tell you not to think about this crap, but i know that is hard. When my h and I were seperated we had decided to spend X-mas together for the kids. he ended up leaving the night before because he was angry and everything was my fault. It was that moment that i became very strong. i knew this was not my fault and that if he wanted to be gone that it was the best thing for me. i wanted my H back, not this shell of a man that just looked like him. I ended up at his parents for X-mas and had a good time.
You can do this. We have amazing strength inside. Most of the time we don't even know that it is there. Put a smile on your face, spend time with your kids and find your innner strength. he will be the one missing out, NOT YOU!!!!! Just keep reminding yourself, this is not the man you married. He is an ALIEN!!!
Have lots of fun!!!!
M-33 H-35 S-13 &14 ST-9 DT-5 PA-21-08-07 Came Home 12-01-08 been happy since
dude your killing D10..last time you left she sobbed for a F***** hour dam it... you did it again.. I know you dont love me..but you love them..stop hurting them.
Too much!!! too much!!
How about... "I'm concerned about the effect of all this on the children. Our daughter is very upset. Regardless of how you feel about me, We have to keep her welfare in mind."
No demands, no cussing, no blaming. Just facts, observations.
I know you're jacked at him and have a right to be. It won't help him see how attractive you are though, if you are raging at him.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
dude your killing D10..last time you left she sobbed for a F***** hour dam it... you did it again.. I know you dont love me..but you love them..stop hurting them.
Too much!!! too much!!
How about... "I'm concerned about the effect of all this on the children. Our daughter is very upset. Regardless of how you feel about me, We have to keep her welfare in mind."
No demands, no cussing, no blaming. Just facts, observations.
We made it back from our visit to Chicago and the in laws. By far it was a great trip and something needed by all.
We had a great time and the kids made some fantastic memories.
My husbands life long friends came to a family bbq on friday. An they then hosted a bbq at their house on Sunday.
The hardest part of the trip was watching his cousin..(we stayed at his house) who is our age.. interact with his two daughters and how high his priority is with his family... It was great to see...just made me wish I still had that in our life...
Everyone was very supportive and let me know that no matter what happens...I am always family...its been 19+ years and they will always be there for me. That was nice to hear.....
Received a few texts from my hubby making sure we got there and if we were having fun... I think it was killing him that he was not there.
Nothing has changed..I know he was at our house while I was gone playing on the computer...he comes and goes here as he pleases..that bothers me but I am not sure if I even want to go there... at least not while we are still sharing a checking account.
Looks like he took a few hanging clothes..but still a ton here.
It would have been nice if when we were gone he was proactive and packed some of his stuff... he had six days..he did nothing..
I am still heartbroken over this... but it is becoming apparent that he has no intentions of trying to come home or leave her...
My new focus now is that I have to go back to work on the 15th..My doctor gave me two more weeks out..I have to get strong to have to deal with looking at her 4 days a week.
Its good to be home..even though I didn t want to come back and face reality...
Just some advice and thoughts needed.... After my trip I decided I needed to be stronger and not live in limbo land.
I wrote my husband an email and sent it to his work... no blaming on my part for his mistakes... I can only take responsibility for my part in the break down of our marriage.
I let him know i was sorry we are going down this road... and I will always love him..but:
if we are truely done...he needs to 1. move all his stuff out- i cant look at it daily 2. plan a budget..the money does run out 3. make a plan for the kids 4. he needs to tkae the kids to his house on his time it is too hard for me to come home and him have been in my home all weekend..i need my space to move on
he did send me a text saying he got the email ..he would call me on his way home... he has a fantasy football draft and hoped to see the kids if it wasnt too late
Well i never head from him..I was sick and crying for like 4 hours i was so scared because this is a step to end...
He called after 9 to talk to kids and my D10 came upstairs and said Daddy is on his way over.
He showed up..could barely walk and stand up straight..he threw out his back golfing while we were on vacation( karma)
he visited with the kids and then came upstairs and looked at all my vacation pictures.
I asked him if he wanted me to massage his back to loosen it up..he said no then laid on the floor.
I massaged it and tried to loosen it up for like 15 minutes..I got up and said well hope that helps.
I sat on the couch and he was behind me..he said I will be back tomorrow ok..i was kinda confused..this is a man that said FU just a few days earlier...
I didnt answer..he kinda ruffled with my hair and said is that ok with you?
I told him I will never stop you from seeing your children.
He wasnt even out of the driveway and sent me a thanks..it feels looser already...
We texted about misc stuff all day yesterday.... like old times...
Then last night at 9 my D10 came in and said dad is not coming..its too late..
Man..I was pissed because my son 2 was asking for daddy and i had told him daddy was coming.
i sent him a text saying thanks for telling me.... S2 was asking and I told him Daddy was coming..I wont tell the kids anymore.
I went to bed...
This morning I get Sorry Babe...I should have called you and told you I was not coming..it just got too late..I told D10
well i didnt hear that come in... so when i heard my phone i had received a second one saying Geez..i said sorry...
ok... am i crazy..why is he being nice... my letter..saying I need to move foreward..or is he being nice and underhandingly plotting?
He never calls me babe anymore...that was our pet name for each other...
Not sure what to say on that one. The experienced vets will be able to offer saner advice. I would say to remember the "don't believe anything they say" phrase. Mood swings are to be expected. Jekyll and Hyde is to be expected. the massage - hmmm not sure, but maybe not the way to go...
My 2 cents worth - your letter was a jolt of reality. Let him stew on it and come to you if that is what will happen. Don't be too eager at all... as he comes toward you, pull back a little. Stay in control of what is happening as best you can.
Well done (IMO) on the comment re telling the kids - shows you are staying in control. Keep that up.
I am not the best one to be giving advice as I have trouble following some times...
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Your letter WAS a jolt of reality, and you said things well. I think it was all very reasonable requests.
The problem, as I see it, is rather than let him STEW on that, and on the consequences of his own actions, you then RESCUED him with your friendly text messages, the massage, etc.
Your e-mail put him into his crucible. Let him stay in there now, and please only communicate about the kids and finances.
