Please help me to not give up............

[sandi2]

Hi Grant, sorry, it's not you going crazy....it's me! I went back to check and it was the OM's wife you were referring to about suggesting reading the DR book.

Sounds like you handled the weekend very well. You did not sit up waiting for her to come in, did you? It didn't sound as though you did. That is good b/c it would have given the wrong signals to her. Just one tiny word of caution, and I know you will think, "Well, I just can't get it right", and that is not it at all, okay? You did great! But, just be careful and don't over-kill being "upbeat and happy acting" when she is at your house b/c she may get the idea that she is giving you false hope and that is the reason for you acting so "happy". We know that is not it at all. We know you are applying DB rules. But just don't over do.

I think she could be having some MLC issues, but of course, she will not admit to that. And, it's like I said about myself, my own H had given me compliments before, but there was just a need for reasurrance from some other man that was not my H. I could weigh 200 pounds and my H would still think I was beautiful b/c he loves me. See what I mean? I wanted to know if I was still attractive and sexy to men that did not know me. When they would respond in a positive way, that made me feel good, so I went back for more. I did not have any desire to have an EA or PA with any of them b/c it was just all a "game" for me, but when my H "forced" me to delete everything and he started acting like a watch dog, that is when I started the EA with the OM. The ironic thing about it all is that this OM who was on my "friends list" was one of the least that I even felt attracted to b/c he was older than the rest. All the others were much younger than me. That was why it was just an ego game for me.....it was my ego booster shot every day. But, then when everything hit the fan, I hung on to that last man and of course he stepped up and knew all the right things to say to me and it went into an EA.

Your W's self esteem probably took a beating from finding out about your on-line EA--added with your porn addiction. Also, we women have our ways of "payback" that may be even subconcious to her right now. She may not be as "in love" with this OM and she wants to be in love with.....just somebody. The idea of being in love with "in-love". I think that was my problem. I wanted to have the "in-love" feelings so despartely and was so unhappy and so empty that I wanted to feel in love with this OM. Does that make sense? That is why I believe that in a matter of time, her feelings....or his....will fade. So, one way of looking at them being together is the fact that the more time they are together.....the sooner the "fling" will be over. Keep that in mind, okay?

I know she is younger than me, but I think that staying out till 4:00 a.m. will eventually catch up with her. The party life style is not something a person in their forties can keep up with like they did twenty years ago. That too, will begin to loose its luster. The entire "thing" that she is going through with the life style....OM...everything will one day not be near as exciting as it was at the beginning. It is a sign of MLC b/c she feels she wants to "replay" something she lost. If she discovers that the OM has women friends on the side.....other than herself....she may not handle that very well.

I think if the OM went home for the sake of his kids, that exposing the A may not work to your advantage. I don't know anymore. Puppy Dog Tails is a full believer in exposing all affairs! But, it could go either way in that case. It could just push your W and OM into a M if he thinks he has lost his kids anyway b/c his wife has kicked him out. Whereas, if he stays home b/c of his kids, your W will eventually get tired of playing second fiddle to them b/c he will want to be with them on all the special occasions instead of with your W.

Well, I'll talk to you later. Got to get to work. Hope you have a great day.

Sandi