Poet, My Husband moved far away, 3000 miles away. I was not allowed to have his new address, or his new phone number. I did not know where he worked. He changed his name. Had a secret cell phone. New email information. His whole life changed and I was not a part of it.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I sometimes get some stories blended after so many years here and so many DBers, but I remember Pam (used to post under Danman) but she is now pammie and she posted last week on my thread. Pam's H moved into a trailer and bought a motorcycle. Then there was Frosty. Her H did not let her know where he lived or how to get ahold of her. This, despite the fact they had 3 school age girls. Geesh!
But they were posting more a few years back and I'm not sure if their threads are still around. You can check though. I'm sure there are a lot of simiar stories.
Thank you everyone who stopped by my thread. I feel so lost. Last night, I didn't sleep well. Did I tell you that I had a dream yesterday morning that my husband moved his camper? Well, of course it was just another omen. He did move his camper, hours after I had the dream.
His big deal now, and he keeps telling me is that "I don't bother you." Like I'm bothering him. I've already said I'm dropping the rope. Today starts day one where I will not call him and I will not answer the phone. I definitely have the feeling he does not love me.
Can someone tell me where is Frosty and what happened to her sitch? How about Pam? Thanks Brandnewday for reminding me. I was waiting to know if I should sit by my phone tonight with a pad and pencil?
First off, let me remind you that no 2 situations are the same. How Frosty and Pam's situations turned out might be the opposite of yours. Frosty pokes her head on my thread from time to time and so does Pam, but not too much these days. They have moved on.
You absolutely MUST stop focussing on him and what he is doing every minute. Because even if things were to change - change in these situations comes around VERY slowly. I understand what you are doing - I did it all the time myself but sitting by the phone and waiting for him is the opposite of detaching. You might talk the talk - but you have to walk the walk. Letting go, dropping the rope - that means not spending all your time thinking about him too.
Do what YOU have to do. But get out and visit friends. Or join a club. Or go to couselling. Or the movies. But stop worrying about him. Because nothing you do or say is going to make a difference right now. The only time he might even poke his head around you is if you are still. Silent. No contact. Seem busy. Get it?
I hate to be blunt but your actions and words are 2 different things right now and you must listen and start to refocus. Because whether he returns or whether he doesn't - you have to get a life and get on with it.
Now - I want to hear what you did today for yourself.
OK it is Tuesday, Sept. 2nd. I am at work right now. Yesterday was the last time I spoke to my soon-to-be-x. I will report on that later.
But as far as walking the walk, yes, I know I've been bad. But this is a new day. I have not spoken to him since yesterday afternoon. I know he does not love me anymore. His actions speak just as loud as his words. His talk and actions are in unison with each other, whereas mine are not. I get sick every time I think about him. And yesterday was a bad day for me. I've put everything aside, and now as long as I don't hear from him again, I feel confident that I can do the same.
Thanks for all your help everyone. It's going to be a long haul from here, and I realize now, that I must let him go. If and when he does call me, I won't answer. If and when he calls and leaves a message, I won't return the call. I've come to the conclusion that we are finished, and I can't change that.
Yes, I can only change myself. Taking the high road from this day forward will be my ultimate goal.
I'm on my lunch and only have a few moments. I did want to say that during our recent convo, H said he was happy when he was living in the house and I was in the apartment. I cannot believe he really feels that is a good thing for me to hear?? WTF?
Does he honestly believe I would be happy to hear that?
Thank you so much for your love and support for me today. I'm actually doing a lot better than I was two months ago when I first started this journey on DivorceBusting.com. I no longer shake. Now, I only have little tremors; it's sort of like a slight nervousness. TwinDad once asked me what I was afraid of. I hate to admit this, but the truth is, I am afraid of living the rest of my life with the man I loved. I know this is a futile fear, and I also know it is futile to wish for the best, but I'm sure one day I'll recall all of this drama with laughter.
BND, thank you for your words of wisdom. As always, I appreciate your help and kindness. Here is a question regarding one of your staements: How do I know when, or how to sift through the bullsh**t? In other words, this is a skill that I do not have. How do I learn it? Can you offer and guidance?
