So I married a sex addict...

[grant]

HC,
Sorry you had a bad one. Believe me, I know how that feels, but here's the good thing.........

You felt like a victim before. Your self worth was so low, and like the book says, perhaps you were willing to put up with all this because you felt like you really loved him, and maybe didn't think you'd find anyone better.

But then you made a stand. It all begins with that first step. Saying "NO" to him is a huge turning point for you, and also for him.
I guarantee you that this will have an enormous effect on him. He will be surprised and confused, and will force him to think about the consequences.
He is living in a fantasy world, quite happy to hold on to the trappings of some of his home life with you, whilst maintaining and meeting his other perceived needs in this other R.

He had got to make some choices, and whatever he decides to do or not do, you will end up feeling better about yourself, and that Hon, is a very good thing.

It is freaky, but I think you'll find, enormously liberating.

Keep going, keep getting stronger. Detach. Lovingly, with dignity, and strength.
Things are changing...... Just watch.