New month, new strategy

[istherehope]

OK so I what I sent (1 hour after his initial text) was "Glad you arrived safe. Hope you wow them with your suits ;)."

He recently bought 3 new suits, and compliments usually work well with him...

I'm back to feeling low again, but I know I need to snap out of this!

I keep thinking about how I really want to take some unpaid leave, but if I do this will impact our joint finances, and he'll know how upset I am, which I need to try and keep away from him, as it's the last thing he can be worrying about right now, and I know guilt will push him far away. I have brought it up in various positive ways before like just suggesting I want to go do Habitat for Humanity or something, and the first time he said "maybe next year" which of course was future talk and got me all excited, but now I know not to trust the good things that come out of his mouth...Last week I said that after Wroclaw I might want to go to the US for a couple of weeks or something, and see friends but that this would need to be unpaid leave. Again he said "we'll just see." I don't know if this is good or bad. I don't want to push anything related to finances, as this is the one indisputably joint area we still share. I don't want to push him away from that. However I am really needing some time away...

OK I can make it through today. I don't need to have more conversations with H, because each day I don't, he knows I love him enough to give him space. Each day I don't pressure at least adds doubt to his negativity about the R (or so I hope). Each day I don't reach out makes me more interesting. I am building goodwill for my Dublin trip. I am building goodwill for the next joint session, if we have one. Tomorrow he will probably call me, and I need to be strong then, fun and easy to talk to, no asking for reassurances or asking about whether we'll see each other in Dublin...

OK staying strong,

ITH