what I would like to see are times when you continued to firm up the boundaries you did when you made her leave
it seems to me that letting her come over and do whatever is being wishywashy on that boundary
does that make sense
like you said no messing around or you are out, except when you call and are polite and then you can come over
you deserve to see yourself as worth more than that
she is who she is
who I am concerned with is you ... I too was abused as a child but it did not make me into a person who flakes out on their life do not make her a victim of her circumstnaces we all have choices we make them and then we have to deal with the consequences
our lives are full of choices good and bad
don't make excuses for her bad behavior it takes her power away
Fig, you have no idea how much I value this post from you.
I was also a victim of abuse as a child, I don't let it stop me from achieving. I lived with an abusive grandmother who made me live in a life where the 'rules' changed daily so I could never ever do anything 'right'.
When I 'crashed' yeas ago I put my W in the position of 'grandmother'. Instead of giving me unconditional love while I was floundering she avoided me, then ultimately ran away for the first of what would end up to be 3 times.
at this point of my life I realize that I need to take care of 'me' before I can do anything with any woman. I need to get my 'mojo' back.
So yes, I understand from you and Amy that my boundaries are important.
