We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[native]

'She is worth every second, of this quiet despiration, and I know that I'm not the only one on here with that same feeling.'

I feel the same way about my wife, who is 32. But she is so easily upset that I am getting real tired of the drama.

Haven't given up yet though. I'm excited about putting into practice all the techniques I am learning through DB'rs and seeing how she reacts when she sees how well I handle situations that come up.

Btw, why are all these 22 yo. single guys being invited to your son's birthday party ? What do they have to do with him ? Sounds odd.

I don't think her former husband or whatever is the reason for her depression. That's a victim mentality. I think the way she has learned to/chooses to process things is the reason for her depression. (but don't tell her that! She's not interested in truth right now). But I'm not a professional. Still, sounds like she does not take responsiblity for her own emotions. If that's so, you aren't going to get her to. You can set an example for her by not blaming her or others for your feelings however.

"right now i just need support ideas and hope."

I will offer you support in the efforts to reconcile your marriage and any ideas/hope I can. I am also learning as I go.

"I miss her a lot, I don't know if I can ever show her the way I really feel and have her believe me"

You will have many opportunities to show her that you have changed, if you want to. Since you have a son together you will never really be completely uninvolved with her.

But once you discover and make the changes you need, it will take time for her to belive they are for real.

"My W thinks that I loved my son more than her, I can understand why she felt that way, I couldn't show her how i loved her as easy as I could him."

My W just indicated that she was #2 after our daughter just yesterday. We have already had the discussion as to why I focused on d (similar reasons to your situation, but also that d's needs were not being met) but this time I just said that it wouldn't be that way in the future, and as far as I was concerned she was #1, if we were to reconcile.

And so now, I have to be careful not to seem to take sides with d even when my d's needs are legit, and w's choices are ignoring those needs. So tonight I dealt with a sticky situation differently.

Rather than argue with w and tell her how she was not meeting d's needs or being thoughtful of her feelings, I had d call and thank her for everything she had done for her today. Then d went ahead and expressed what she would like to do in the future in positive terms, rather than saying she was bored with the activities w had chosen to do, which had upset w earlier.

I had coached our 6 yo. d before the phone call and she did beautifully. She made her needs known in the form of a request rather than a complaint ( good db'ing ) and she showed gratitude for the efforts w did put towards their special day. I was amazed at how well d handled it, so she must have really been listening when I went over the whole situation before she called her mom.

I want my d to have sucessful relationships too, especially with her mother, so it's never too early to teach her the best ways to express her needs.

Btw, did you order the e-book by Nancy Wasson? You can get it immediately, and you need something to read right away.

OE, I think you need to really calm down. Believe that no matter what happens in the short run, God is in control and there is a greater purpose being worked out here.

Trust that and be at peace. Can I share a bible verse ? 'Cast all your cares on Him because he cares for you "

Don't let your fear or anxiety or need derail your ultimate goal, which is to save your marriage. Fear or anxiety based actions or words often have the opposite affect on others that we actually want.

Also, read other people's posts to glean insight into your own situation. Read and learn. Absorb it.

And hang in there. You will be alright...