Ready2Change (6) - Temp Orders

[Gypsy]

Hello Silver Fox..

PMA = Positive Mental Attitude!

*hugs*

[Gypsy]

Hey Ready and Changing..

How's the evening with the kids? My daughter and I snuggled tonight, the first time in a while.

Thanks for the hugs, prayers and your thoughtfulness.

You're the best.

*hugs*

[Ready2Change]

OK time to vent:

W feeds kids before they get here. I want to PROVE I can make dinners. Anyway I drop that. I will send nice email thanking her for the thoughtful gesture and ask her to give me some advance notice in the future if she plans on giving kids dinner so that I can plan accordingly. The lack of communication is insane! Cant she be angry with me and still communicate???

[Ready2Change]

Here is what I sent W:

Subject: Thanks
Hi W,

I just want to say thanks for feeding the kids dinner before the exchange. That was very considerate of you. It gave us a chance to go out and have some fun tonight.

In the future, I would appreciate some communication far enough in advance so that I don't have a dinner prepared and three kids that have already eaten.

Thanks for understanding.

[No Longer BH]

HMMM...from a womans point of view, no. The first thing that I withold when angry is any form of communication. She is prob thinking, why shoueld I tell him anything, he can figure it out all on his own, after all I'm DONE with him. It also is prob givening her some kind of sick since of control of the sitch because SHE is calling the shots with the kids. Just wanted to give you my perspective.

Now that you know the space she is in, do not play into it. Sending an email thanking her for being gracious enough to feed the kids on your night will throw her. Make sure it is sinsere though, that sarcasm can not be read into it. I would also make small comments every so often when you see her like, "I will have the kids back by 8 pm tonight. Oh, that blouse looks really nice on you, brings out your eyes. So, hope thats not to late for them to get back home." Just drop in compliments without really seeming to be focusing on her. Again, just another way to help smooth the waters.

Hope a girls point of view helps. Still does not take away the pain and frusteration you must be feeling at these times. Just remember, it has nothing to do with you. Most of what they say is them projecting their own demons back onto us. You are doing great and staying strong.

[Ready2Change]

Thanks BH. Female input is always welcome!

I almost left off the communication part. She isn't communicating at all, so I point this out every so often.

It is hard to make joint decission about the kids with no communication.

I know she is hurting.

[Gypsy]

Hey Ready..

You have to feed the kids how many days in a row? Does the food keep?

All I know is that the hairs on my neck went up when I read the last part of your note and I got an obstinate feeling.

"In the future, I would appreciate some communication far enough in advance so that I don't have a dinner prepared and three kids that have already eaten."

Is the issue a prepared meal or what's being taken away.. the family time that comes from eating together?

*hugs and prayers*

[HopefultotheEnd]

Thanking her is a great idea but that last part is borderline hostile...it's just too cold. If you could keep it light then it might flow better.

I get the feeling that a direct blunt approach will only get you more resistance. Sliding it in as if it's an after thought might be better recieved.

[No Longer BH]

Ready, how are things going?

[Ready2Change]

...Is the issue a prepared meal or what's being taken away.. the family time that comes from eating together...

The issue is control. I feel she feeds to kids so that I can not. (she later replied that the kids ate at 2 (not 4:30 like the kids told me)...Anyway water under the bridge