The thing with BFF is partially my fault. She went to take the bar exam about a month ago, and I told her I would visit her church when she got back. The thing is, things got really busy at MY church, so she feels like I was using all of that as a excuse not to go to her church. It was never my intention to "blow her off" per se, and I had every intention of going to her church, but she is the type of person that if you make a commitment, you honor the commitment, and I knew that. I tried to apologize, but she is mad, and I have to let her be mad.
W/ XH, it is the same old stuff. He got off work early yesterday, and wanted to know if I could run D12 up to his job. I am just aggravated b/c it seems like I always have to do the driving, the buying of her meds, the drs appointments, all the stuff a parent does, and I don't get any help w/ it. He complains that is what he pays c/s for but honestly, he pays $230/ mo and that does not cover all of it. H pays out more for insurance every month. I try my best to just deal because it really makes no sense for me to get angry, but today I needed to bring over her clothes for the week. I wash them because XH does not really know how to do laundry, and because he works at Chili's in the kitchen, D12's stuff ends up smelling like grease. So I was taking it over, and asked him to make sure she had her red school shirts so I could wash them. He told me if they could find them. WTF is that? IF they can find them??? When I pulled up, I told him that I was not trying to be a B, but I was trying to teach D12 some discipline and organizational skills, and that it was counterproductive if he could not do the same thing. Then I tried to talk to him about the other stuff, and he promptly turned his back, walked away yelling that I always talk down to people and that is my problem, and why people don't like me. I know he was referring to H, and it was a low blow, because yes I suppose I do talk down to XH, and it is not right, but he frustrates me so much. I have tried talking to him like another adult, and he looks at me with this blank look on his face like he does not know what I am talking about. So ultimately I end up losing my cool and speaking to him like he is an idiot because I honestly feel like he needs to have every step broken down for him, or he doesn't get it. He did text and say he was sorry, and I said thanks I was sorry too, even though I was still really upset. THEN he has the nerve to call me back and invite me over for dinner. Oh, yeah, I want to go back and get insulted again, or just spend time with the guy who insulted me.
I know the song...now I am going to have to remember the name of the group!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
