Acceptance....

[Cinderellaman]

Cinders,
What your h and the ow are doing is wrong. You have every right to be upset by the suggestion of calling the ow's parents "grandparents". It sounds to me that the ow wants to seal the deal, lock, stock and barrel, and ensure that your h and your children understand that she's got him and now he and the children are now a part of her life and her parents. Not happening. I agree with the others....time to sit your h down over a nice cup of tea and explaint he facts of life to him. "Grandparents" title is for those parents that gave birth to their children, i.e., you and your h. Other people who come into the picture, i.e., step or otherwise, shall be called a different name.

Quite frankly, I think your h is trying too hard to please this girl and by allowing this to continue, tells me he is desperate to keep her. First the photos and now this. Sounds to me like the girl wants to take over every part of your life and to be honest with you, she can never replace you. You are a very unique lady who has a lot of class and will shine no matter what.

I think if you sit him down and have a nice chat about it, maybe, just maybe, he'll understand. I wish you the best on this one.

Had the 'talk'....started off as email, turned into angry email from H, I didn't get angry just responded with my boundaries. Then H called this afternoon. I told him that he needs to respect my boundaries, that I need those. And that if he is not willing to do so, then there is another option...that he ignores my wishes and does what he wants, but that in that case I do not want a friendship with him, that he can pick up the kids at the door again, and I will no longer have anything to do with him. I told him I wasn't afraid of living without him in my life. I'm not. It hurts....(once again) but I can do it.

It may not have been the best of things to say, but I am just so fed up of him stuffing ow down our throats and making it sound as if it is because of ME that the kids are having a hard time living with these 2 worlds...He truly does not SEE things the way I do. And he may never actually see it that way again.

I told him he no longer has values and morals in life. That he is not the man he used to be in that sense.

I may have said awful and hurtful things, but I feel that I am disintergrating our relationship by trying to stay friends at this point. It's just not possible. Not yet anyhow...

I keep falling for it, thinking he is offering more than crumbs, but every single time, it turns out it's just crumbs...

I told him I am not a doormat, that I feel too good to be one, and that I will not be treated like one.

Yes, I feel he or ow are trying to prove WAY too much to me and the outside world. It seems to me, that yes they want to replace me, and it feels awful. As if I am in a 'fatal attraction' movie and all they need now is for me to just drop dead.

I have no idea who is directing this circus...whether it's H or ow. It's not important really....but if he cannot and does not respect my boundaries, our friendship will end.

He says that he has done so much for me, has tolerated and respected so much....that's tough for me, as I feel I am the only one who seems to need to just accept this situation.

It's not a contest, I know...

Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair.

After I told him what the options were, we ended the conversation calmly and he said we should get together for coffee to discuss it further. So I guess we will.

I'm struggling a lot right now.

Any wise words are welcome. Thank you !