my crazy mess part 5 the saga continues!

[christarn]

I have sent the H a few random texts...he hasn't replied. any suggestions. I have just been using general ideas. He made a reference to "we shouldn't be talking"...so i've used that a few times...like, "even though we're not supposed to be talking, I just wanted to say hey!" I get flustered when he doesn't respond, for the simple fact that when we used to fight, we would start to ignore each other....instead of facing the issues. I can't help but wonder if he is going back to that mentality. Or is he ignoring me because he is busy with work.

any suggestions/feedback!!!???

sandi2...where r u!!!

I am going to talk with my friends who are also still close with him about getting something set up...4wheeling, a cookout, just hanging out....something. I hope they will be up for it. I hope he will come out if they do plan something. And if he does come out, hopefully, he won't do anything to intentionally hurt me...ie: bring a chick! I am preparing for the worst praying for the best

thanks everyone!!
hugs
christa

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Christa,

How can you show him you "get it"? When my H started backing off my coach said that I needed to show him and, in not so many words, tell him that I get it. We are just friends. I think a setting up a group get together, without pressure, is a good idea but the invite should come from his friends and that you should not mention it or ask if he is going. I hope that it goes well.

I have a question for you if you. Lately I have been getting cross eyed looks from my friends and family when I tell them that I am still trying and still holding out hope. It upsets me that they aren't supportive. What kind of world do we live in? Do you get this? How do you handle it?

[sandi2]

Hey, sweetie-pie! I was trying to be good and take a few days off. I did. Very few. (lol) What can I say? This has become such a big part of my life and so important to me. I do need to cut back some, though.

So, what do you think? Is H becoming a hermit? Is he being seen at the bars lately? Strange. I wonder what's up?

So, where is Forrest and all his plans? We need to go bug him! (lol) If you have friends of your and H's that could act as a go-between in arranging some type of cook-outs or other adventures (now behave) that sounds like a good idea. At least maybe you could get a feel (no pun intended) of what is going on with him. Like you said.....if he didn't bring another woman! Oh! That would take the cake!

Anyway, if you ever get the chance for him to lay his eyes on you again......I want you to be prepared to knock his socks off!.....or anything else. Oh, I am just so bad when I get with you. Why is that? I refuse to think it is b/c you are a bad influence on me. I am the one that is suppose to be influencing here.....(did I spell that right?) I think it's time to send Sandi to bed. "Alone again......naturally". Remember that song? Of course you don't!

So........you know what they say......keep hanging in there. Don't you get tired of hearing that?

"I'll be back!" I would spell his famous name, but I can't even pronounce it correctely.

And, no I have not been drinking! You just bring this out in me.......which I think is a good thing, b/c I need to be a little crazy some times.

(((hugs)))

Sandi

[christarn]

HIC~ Yes, I 150% understand what you mean...I get crazy looks from people who do not "get" what it means to stand for your M. I have a few core friends who get it. And I just trust in them, and all of my awesome friends here...other than that, i don't say much. If people make comments, I just say, divorce is a permanent decision that I am not prepared to make. I am the one who will have to live with the consequences of the D, nobody else...so I do not want to be rushed into any decision that I am not prepared to make...then I usually state scripture and God's views on D. Then family and friends usually back off.

I really like your forum...the Q&A was an awesome idea...kudos to you I hope things are going well in your corner of the world. I'm with you, standing tall, expect the worst...praying and hoping for the best keep your chin up!! (((HIC)))


Sandi~ My friends at work also say I'm a bad influence, you're not the first one who has told me that!!! LOL!!! :D!!! It's ok, I guess my thread is no holds barred!!!

I am hanging in there!! I have been texting H with no responses from him. Don't know what is up with that??!! He's just crazy!!

I would hope and pray he would not bring OW to friends, if/when I can get them to set something up. That would be kinda dramatic and possibly cause issues, and he knows that. I think he wouldn't come to said get together before he pulled that type of stunt...i hope!

As for FG, I think he's checking in on me, just waits until he sees posts that need responses before he actually responds! He is so active on these boards...just like you, it's hard to keep up. I have a hard time keeping above water, and I just have my thread and a few that I try to keep up on!!!

Well I'm exhausted...off to bed I go@@
hugs
christa

[sandi2]

Christa, you always sounds so upbeat....I admire that.

Do you think your H would ask friends if it was a "set-up" for the two of you, or ask if you were coming also? I suppose it would be a guessing game right now as to what he would or would not do. And while I'm asking questions here(I always seem to be doing that on your thread) do you think your friends may not want to be placed in that position of feeling....in between the two of you? They may be kind of nervous about what to expect out of him also. But, then there are always some "match-makers" out there somewhere.

I know a lot of people don't understand you standing for your M but that is your personal busines, so try not to let it get your down.

I did have a crazy idea, but it would be a huge risk and it would take a lot of nerve. It is probably way too soon to jump into anything like this since he hasn't shown any signs of wanting to reconcile. Anyway, here it is for whatever it's worth....you can file it away somewhere.

You could send him a letter with no return address and not signed. You don't want to give away the secret of who is sending this "invitation" to him, so be careful about your wording or he will know it is you.....or maybe you would want him to know. That decision would be up to you, b/c this could make a turn either way. If you don't want him to have a clue as to who it is from.....then send it typed. Anyway, say something about there is a female (be sure to state that part...lol) admirer of his that would love to spend some private time with him. Then tell him which hotel/motel room it is in. When he sees that it is in a motel, then his imagination may go wild wondering who it could be or what it may lead to. That is one risk...right there! If he doesn't show up, you can think that he did not want to be with another woman........or you can think he figured it was you (lol), so either way could drive you nuts not knowing. Same thing is he shows up at the door.....but when you see his face, that should tell you the story by the expression. If he looks shocked.....then you will know he wasn't expecting you! If he smiles.....that will be good whether he was expecting it to be you or not, right?

Now as to how romantic of a setting you want this to be is all up to you. You may want to have a simple little room, or you may want to get a suite. Anyway, you could have something prepared to eat and drink as a before thing to have something to do (lol) in case conversation seems strained. Or if you want to spend the bucks.....have room service bring up dinner! Also, how you dress is however your mood may carry you. If you want to be daring......well, go for it (lol). If you want to just look sexy.....he knows how to peel off clothes. But, the risk....goes without saying, and you know what that is. He may turn around and leave when he sees it is you, or he may think that it is a set-up (which it is...lol) and get too nervous and leave, or he may think it is fun and go right along with whatever you have in mind.

I'm sure one of the first things he will want to know is what you are doing.....what is this all about....you know. So, you will need to be prepared with the answers. Be relaxed (fake it) and try to put him at ease and tell him that you wanted to be alone with him and that was the only way you knew how to get him there. If he asks why you didnt sign your name, just tell him you thought it would be more mysterious this way and make it fun. If he asks if you were testing him to see if he thought he would come to see if it was another woman......tell him you would not have gotten dolled up for a "test" (hummmmm?) The point is to keep it light and fun and just try to put him in a relaxed mood as soon as you can. Tell him to relax and that you aren't trying anything other than to be alone with him. When he asks why, tell him b/c you miss him very much. Tell him you did not want to meet him in a public place, or your place, or his or anywhere else.......and that you were afraid he would not come if he knew it was you or anywhere else. Just be honest. Then, offer something to drink....doesn't have to be alcoholic, but something, and have some fruit or whatever to snack on (or tell him dinner will be served whenever). He will be watching you to see what you have up your sleeve. So, again, I would just be upfront and tell him that you didn't that your purpose was not to trap him into coming to a talk session about R. You want to pretend that the two of you are just friends and can act like that and enjoy each others company. If he asks if that means friends with benefits......well, you take it from there, girl.

If he is not talking and things get too quite and come to a standstill.......and you begin to feel nervous and yet he doesn't show signs of really wanting to leave......maybe have a movie with you to show (?) hey.....ya gotta do something! Somewhere along the movie route is tell him, "You know what I miss? I miss you giving me one of your wonderful back rubs....or whatever he may have rubbed ( ) Or maybe you ere the one doing the rubbing on him and ask him if he would like for you to do that again.

If you get a place with the works.....water works, that is....like a hot tub or that other kind I can't spell (lol) hummmmm, my mind is going in all direcions, but it would be up to you to get him in it......LOL! However, the excuse of "relaxation" is always good.

If this man has any good sense at all, he will at the very least.....the very least, let you know that he wants to be friends again. If that is as far as it goes, then that is a beginning and more than you have right now. And, Christa, if he isn't talking and you will have to probably take the lead b/c I think he will be waiting to see what you are up to......just be honest and tell him that you miss him and wanted him to know that if you two can have nothing else can but friendship......that would mean the world to you. Then you have tossed the ball over to him and wait to see his response. Just be patient if he doesn't answer right away. I know you will be nervous and want to fill the silence with more talking, but remember, men have to process these things in their minds......and they are slow about doing it!

Anyway, that is sort of the overall idea......you can fill in the blanks...lol. It would be a very big risk and you may want to just take a small baby step to see if he would show up at a friend's house before going for the hotel idea. However, if you want to stop messing around and waiting until doom's day to find out where this man "is".......you could get it over with once and for all.......and that means it could go either way.....good or bad. Big risk. But, just an idea.

Well, I think (don't laugh) I have about wore my keyboard out! What will I ever do??? Go to Walmart and get another one! That is a great idea, thanks for telling me.

Take care,
Sandi

[christarn]

Sandi
thanks for all the input. I think the hotel thing may be a little over the top for me. I'm crazy, but if he won't even text back...i don't want to go to extreme...but the idea will stay in storage bank and could be used further down the line!!!

As for my friends doing something, I talked to her earlier this summer and she seemed ok with the idea...I will tell her if they are uncomfortable not to worry. We really wouldn't have to go to their house, if they could just facilitate a group outing...that would be great! I just need to get in contact with her. We work together, but with my school schedule and her babysitters schedule, it seems we hardly ever see eachother!! I think she will be game, her and her husband have been sooooo supportive of H and I getting back together, their phenomenal people! I admire them and their R/M...they really have their act together!! And they're great people!

Well if you need contributions for a new keyboard let me know...i appreciate all your help and support!!! We could have a new thread...help sandi2 buy a new keyboard!!!

Well it's a busy weekend, need to study for midterms...yes it's that time already!! WOW!! My sister and I are going to see our uncle and family who live about 2 hours away later today. He's having a small family dinner....he adopted us after my parents past away...it's always great to see him and his family...he's so good to me!

I just let "naysayers" and their BS go in one ear and out the other. I feel as if I am the one who has to live with the decision of a D...nobody else. This decision is between me, God and H...no one else. If they don't get it or like...i don't really give a sh*t!!! LOL!!!! Maybe that's a crappy attitude, but it's just how I have learned to be. There are few people who truly "understand" what it means to stand for a M...and have faith it can work. It's my choice, God will let me know when it is time to stop!

thanks again Sandi...I appreciate your help, guidance, advice and support

hugs
Christa

[sandi2]

Yeah, I thought it was a bit much myself, but that's the way I think.........over the top. You should see me get a program together at church....lol. It would take three days to get what all I have down to do for an hour! I may not have much money, honey, but God did give me an imagination.

All kidding aside, since he has gone so dark on you.....your way is best.

Have a good time at the mini-family reunion. You deserve a good time, and a needed break from work.

Later,
Sandi

[christarn]

Sandi~ There is nothing wrong with over the top!! I hope to use your idea in the future...but since he won't even text back at this point...I don't want to over due it!

I'm sure your church programs are outstanding

The family gathering was nice. I got eaten alive by mosquitos however, I got to see 3 of my cousins that I only see once or twice a year....so it was great to see them!

thanks again for your ideas! Any ideas on him not texting back??

take care, have a great weekend!
(((sandi)))

[Neilh23]

HEy Christarn-
i was reading some stuff you wrote on another thread, and i have a question..

what did your H do to have you want to work things out? Anything in particular? Just a couple of things? small changes?

thanks

[sandi2]

Hey, sweet.

Thanks again for your ideas! Any ideas on him not texting back??

Well, can't think of anything unless you know a short funny joke....that doesn't require a response. Then if you hear of a joke does require a response to get the punch line, send it.....then if he is interested in the joke maybe he would answer back. Hopefully, he would see it as a non-threatening message and respond.

If you have the funny jokes that people send to you over the Internet.....you could send those. There are a lot on the Internet that are really funny and kind of makes you day. You know his taste in jokes, so find his, and go for it. Doesn't require any type of answer from him, but yet you are making contact and it is nothing serious. If you can get him to laughing at some funny things, that would lighten the mood between you. Then if you were to see him, you could ask him how he liked so & so joke.

Otherwise, I suppose to just continue to do what you have done ever so often so you will stay in his mind. As long as you keep it casual, maybe he won't fly off the handle.

BTW, any updates about the 4 letter word.....pool?