One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[sleeper]

Round two of the back to school nights took place last night. It went much better. X texted me when the program began as I wasn't there yet. I was walking in the door. OM wasn't there, he was at X's babysiting the kids. During the program the presenter mentioned the need for parents to inform the school of changes in dropping off and picking up the kids due to emergencies, etc. X turned to me and asked, "What are we supposed to do if their mother has a nervous breakdown?" I don't know if she was referring to what happened to her 1.5 years ago or if she was relating how stressed she is. I think I said, "I don't know, are you planning on having one?" Whatever I said she didn't respond.

We passed notes again when we moved into the classroom. She wrote one that said, "There is a 2nd grader staring at me." There was as a little girl was standing beside her. X was seated resulting in the two of them being eye level and this little girl was staring a hole in X's left cheek as only a child can do. I wrote back, "Can't blame her, you're stunningly beautiful." She responded, "Whatever."

Before we left I told X I liked her old hair style much better than her (mlc) new one. As we were leaving X mentioned she had to do some shopping before going home. I stopped at a store myself and bought a few things for my apartment. As I was leaving the store she called on my cell. She wanted to tell me a video store had closed down. I can't see how that call was really necessary.

[forward]

Sleeper, She's confiding in you. This is good.

[sleeper]

WIERDNESS

Late yesterday afternoon the X called. I probably shouldn't have answered but I was thinking about her at the moment she called. When I saw her name on the caller ID I laughed on the inside because of the coincidence and answered. I didn't tell her I was thinking about her. There have been numerous times during this mess that we were both thinking about the other or about calling the other when the phone rang. I thought, what's the point?

She asked if I could keep the kids this AM while she worked for a few hours and I agreed. I miss my kids when she has them.

This morning I went over to her house so she could leave kids there with me and go to work. D and I were watching a movie in X's bedroom a couple of hours later when OM let himself in the house. He walked back to the bedroom where we were, grunted a "hello" (we both said "hi"), walked over by the bed we were on and fumbled through a pile of electrical wires until he found his phone charger. After removing his charger from the tangle, he turned and left. Never spoke a word to me or D except for that hello. He didn't seem too happy. I don't know if he was just in a hurry or wasn't happy because I was there or what. It was kinda surreal.

X comes home a couple of hours later. I left quickly after her arrival because I had 30 minutes to be somewhere. I never mentioned OM's visit (or anything else) to her. About 5 minutes later she called me to ask if I was mad at her because I left so quickly. I told her, "No, I'm in a hurry to get to ______."

[sleeper]

A moment of epiphany.

I was setting up a couple of website personal profiles for myself. I quickley realized I didn't have any answers for some of the very simple questions I was asked about my activities.

I've got to get a life.

[sleeper]

So I went by X's place to pick up the kids tonight.

X is very stressed, said she is tired and easily fatigued. She gave an example of something she did today and said it "winded" her.

She was having problems with her cell today and that reminded her there were pics of the new puppy on it. She opened her phone to show me the pics. The background on her phone is of our kids with OM in the middle. I couldn't help but ask, "Is that the dog in the middle?" She responded, "No, it's an *sshole. I can't figure out how to remove that pic from my phone."

I said nothing in response.

[C_K]

I've got to get a life.

Yep , sooner than later.

Just been having a catch up with what you have been up to. Its hard to realy figure out whats going on with your X.
It does seem however that she is not to attached to OM.

So has what you have been doing produced any new results? Are you where you want to be?
If you keep doing the same then you will probably be in the same place in 6 months time. Nothing wrong with that if it works for you.
My opinion is that you need to focus on yourself for a while and be less available to your X, without compromising the time with your kids.

Dave

[sleeper]

I agree, Dave.

I think I'll put a rubber band on my wrist and pop myself anytime I feel inclined to help her.

Her anger stage was SEVERE. She physically abused me on three different occasions, once in front of our kids. I couldn't do anything about that but she said she had lost respect and trust in me (totally). A large part of what I've been doing has been to gain those two back. I'm pretty confident I have succeded due to domments she has made.

The sitch that exists now is pretty much cake eating. We relate to one another as man and wife except in the area of intimacy. She confides in me on a regular basis now and has exhibited care and concern for my well-being. She has followed through on this by taking action to help me out on occasion.

Overall it's a HUGE improvement from what was going on a year ago.

The trick is going to be becoming romantically attractive to her again.

[C_K]

The trick is going to be becoming romantically attractive to her again.

You have got that right , when you figure it out let me know.
Attracting them back is the key , they need to want to put in what is required to win us back as well.

All easier said than done though.

Dave

[SuperDad]

Sleeper,
This is very difficult, but worth a shot. Following the DB principles of Goal Setting, GAL, 180s, etc are the keys here. Of course, the real problem is that other women will notice you long before your XW ever does. Then the question is, when she notices you, will you still be avaiable?

Best of luck, SD

[sleeper]

She called twice last night. BS stuff about what a sorry mom she had been. I have noticed a pattern that when OM is unavailable she calls me much more often. She asked if I had deposited the money in our joint account that I said I would (FS still not complete). I had. She said, "I must have blown more money than I realized." Doh! My next 180 is to ask when will this FS be completed?

She called this afternoon, asked if I had a copy of her insurance papers. Nope, sorry.