Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

NHF~ I tried last summer to explain so many things to him, but he doesn't believe anything that comes out of my mouth...there is absolutly ZERO trust. he said after what i did, how could he be certain i wouldn't go back to being "the mean angry monster" (that is what i now call myself, or how i refer to myself, as to the person i was during that time frame!) I could never go back to being her...wow, i long for an open and honest relationship, where i can share my thoughts and feelings openly and honestly...which i did with him...up until a certain point...then we just stopped talking and being together....i could never go back to that. So long story short, there really isn't anything I have not tried to tell him! Thanks for the suggestions...truly appreciate it

ITH! I'm glad I was able to help, I'm happy to answer any of your questions...and i appreciate, so much the feedback you are giving/sharing as well!! I would LOVE to do an intensive with Michelle, and would be more than willing to pay for it...and could do so, but as of now, he won't even answer my texts...so I'm not sure how i could get him on a plane to Colorado?? (not trying to be a smart arss there either) any ideas?? i think him talking to me, and michelle facilitating would be so awesome and beneficial...since she is the leading expert on WAS, but like i said..it's getting him "there" that is holding me back!!

Alright enough about me...blah blah blah....on to you!!! !

"1) Did you feel guilty while you were the WAW? If so did this play any part in you not wanting to be around your H?"

I had absolutely zero guilt until he and I started talking more, and I truly realized how bad I had hurt him...then the guilt kicked in...and wow, I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for the pain i caused him. It must have been horrendous...i know the pain i am feeling now, and each time he says something mean the wounds grow deeper...so i think/feel that is an outcry from how he feels, which is pain, and hurting.


"2) Did you doubt your decisions as you made them during the process? Just wondering whether you were confused, or felt like you had clarity?"

I wavered back and forth for about 6 months about getting a D..not neccesarily WA...just telling him I wanted a D...then things got better for a while, then I found out he went from a party to another party with his ex girlfriend, and they were texting back and forth...he tried to lie about it. I knew then I was done. That was oct. of 06, i moved out while he was on vaction in jan of 07...we tried MC, and i was truly ready to try, but then the phone bill came, he was talking to same OW as mentioned above while we were supposed to be "working" on our R/M...so went to my L...and filed for D. I let anger get the best of me. I don't know how christian you are...but i pretty much let evil little satan rule my brain...damn that little devil!

I hope, again, this gives you some more insight, please don't hesitate to keep picking my brain...i'm happy to brainstorm with you. I feel as if knowledge is power...it makes me, feel like if i know/understand what is going on, or what he could be going thru...i might be able to adapt some of things i do accordingly, or be at ease about some of things going on his head...if that makes sense!!

hugs 2 you both for your input on my side of things
take care, keep the questions coming, i'm happy to help!!
christa