Yes, I know about that fantasy of sending "the letter". I have imagined myself doing it since before I was divorced. The letter that I finally wrote was everything that I had felt from the day of the bomb. The thing is that I know in my heart that he still doesn't get it. If I'm honest, I was making it too much about how what he did made me feel, but the real reason that I'm angry now isn't about what he did to me, but about how he continues to treat our children. All 3 of them are in a great deal of pain because of his actions. The oldest and youngest are more vocal (guess which one of us they take after), so they get it out. My middle one is having a really rough time with it and it hurts to see her this way. I do know that he knows, but it's easier for him to make excuses and turns it back on them. This was not just a man that the kids called Dad. He was the BEST father I could have hoped for my children. I can't even imagine what it must be like to no longer have his kids in his life.
I do know, and I have to keep reminding myself, that he is a coward. It's easier for him to avoid what he's done to them than to face the kind of truth that he would be faced with. At some point I have to turn this relationship with their Dad over to them and now is the time. My job is to keep working to make our relationship as strong as it can possibly be. My goal has always been for my kids (especially my girls) to know that I am strong and that I will be OK.
If I were driving home I would look you all up in a heartbeat, but I am flying. Driving takes way too long. My cousin lives in Hartford. If I ever go into visit her I will let you all know.
