Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

ITH~ Thanks so much for the feedback. I have had a DB coach since last june...she's great!! I've tried LRT, going dark, writing a letter, there really isn't anything i have not tried. at first i did the begging/pleading thing...but quickly backed off of that. then i came here...met some really GREAT people...and I'm learning as I go!! i'm truly learning to 'do work" as forrest gump says!!! anyway...thanks for some awesome suggestions!!

now onto you!!!

"1)Did you ever say things about the relationship, undermining things like you didn't know if you wanted to be married anymore? If you did say these things, did you mean them at the time or were you testing your H in any way?"

I said so many mean things, I can't even remember them all. I don't ever think I meant them, but at the time I was soooo angry, the anger was within myself. When I began to process everything, it was me who needed to figure "life" out. I really was not "testing" H in any way...i was just sooo frustrated, we stopped communicating, we fought all the time, we stopped "dating" having fun together, he did his thing, i did mine...it was really a sad sitch. i just want a chance to show him, now that i have my life back together that i can do this...i can be a better wife than i was...he just has said, i should have never take my anger out on him...if i truly loved him, i would not have done what i did.


"2)Did you feel depressed at the time that you were the WAS, and was this part of what led to the decision to WA?"

YES!!! I was being treated for depression at the time I WA. Unfortunately, I was on the wrong anti-dep. med, and I was seeing a IC who encouraged separation/D...I had also lost both of my parents within a few years of eachother...and a few years prior to all of this. Everything just built up. Now, I'm 150% better, I am on the correct anti-dep. meds, seeing a MD, who is correctly adjusting them...and stopped seeing the IC who was telling me to go for the D.


"3)During the time that you were the WAS, on any level were you glad that your H was fighting for the marriage even though you wanted less pressure about it? I guess what I'm trying to ask is whether this commitment made up in any way for the way you felt you'd been neglected in your Rs?"

My H only fought for about 2 months, then stopped, about 1-2 mos after, the tables turned...but he didn't really want to work things out. We "dated" on and off, at his choice, until early this year...then he decided to stop seeing me all together. We were texting back and forth, then that ceased as of last week. I truly thought he would want to work things out...he's never been a "quitter" we both agreed prior to getting M, we would not get a D, it was a deal we made...and look at us now...it's so sad.

If you have more questions...feel free to ask!!! Hope this helps you

christa